‘I actually do, don’t I?’ Tess sniffed.
‘Don’t cry,’ Aaliyah yelled. ‘Let’s not test out the waterproof mascara.’
‘We need photos.’ Lily started snapping away with her phone while Tess posed. ‘And now some selfies of the four of us. And then we should let the photographer in.’
‘You all look amazing too,’ Tess said. ‘Thank yousomuch for being bridesmaids. And I’m sorry if I’ve been atinybit demanding. I’ve found the whole wedding planning thing a little bit stressful.’
‘You haven’t been demanding atall,’ they all – even Aaliyah – chorused while they pretend-hugged at arm’s length to avoid creasing all their dresses.
‘Lily, your tan looksamazing,’ Tess said.
‘Thank you,’ Lily said, surprised. What tan? They’d only been there for four days and she’d been loading on the Factor 50 like nobody’s business because she always burned too easily at first exposure to the sun each summer.
She took another quick look at herself in the full-length mirror on Tess’s bedroom wall. One of the few good things about Tess’s everything-must-be-perfect approach was that she’d insisted on them all trying dress after dress after dress until they found a style (strapless, floor length and classic simplicity), fabric (silk) and colour (pale blue) that suited all of them.
Aaliyah had worked her magic again with Lily’s hair, and Tess had lent her some foundation, which – now Tess had pointed it out – Lily could see was working really well with the mud underneath to give her a good-tan look, and, bearing Matt in mind, Lily had put alotof effort into creating smoky eyes for herself, and, if she said it herself, she hadn’t looked this good in a long time. And there was, in fact, no way she would be looking this good at all if she didn’t have her mud-undercoating on her face.
The mud tan was perfect timing for leaving Matt with a good impression. They wouldn’t be seeing each other after today and she had her pride and he’d bloody married someone else within a year of their split and if she was honest shereallywanted him to remember her with a bit of lust and longing. Much like the way she was unfortunately going to be remembering him, it seemed.
Walking down the aisle of the gorgeous chapel that Tess and Tom had chosen to get married in was a heart-stopping experience. Tess had finally relaxed just outside the church, when her dad put his arm out for her to take and said, ‘I’m so proud of you, darling,’ and they’d all nearly cried, and she was now exuding seriously misleading zen as she processed forwards. Tom – with, seriously, the mostenormousbandage on his hand – was standing at the front beaming at Tess as though she was the most wonderful – the only – person in the entire universe, exuding extreme happiness. And all the guests sitting there in their wedding outfits were also beaming away, exuding huge goodwill. The chapel was beautifully cool inside.And, most heart-stopping of all, even though it shouldn’t be, Matt was sitting on the end of a pew towards the front, and as Lily approached him, and he looked up at her, she saw that look again in his eyes and a seemingly involuntary smile that went way beyond mere appreciation of how she looked; when they were together, that was how he’d always look right before he told her how much he loved her.
And the look in her eyes was probably mirroring the look in his. Because right now, despite all the hurt of knowing that he’d moved on so quickly, and the fact that sheknewthey hadn’t been right for each other, borne out by their conversation last night, all she could think was how much they’d always talked and laughed together, how good it had been, how much she’d loved his company, how attractive she’d always found him, how much she’dlovedhim.
Meg nudged her and she tore her gaze away from Matt’s. Oops, she’d almost walked straight into Tess. She needed to forget all about Matt and focus on the important things. And not just during the ceremony.
Twelve
Matt
Matt ran his finger round the inside of his shirt collar. Had his shirt shrunk in the wash? Or had his neck grown?
Lily looked amazing. Like, out-of-this-world beautiful. The kind of beautiful that was making him fantasise about whisking her away from this wedding and spending days, weeks, months, years making love to her somewhere private, just the two of them.
Lily had just smiled at him like no one else existed and like she felt the same way about him that he felt about her.
He and Lily had history and this wasn’t good.
And now he had to sit through a whole wedding, only a few feet away from her.
Matt hadn’t entirely enjoyed a wedding ceremony since his own one, when to his incredible shame – it was fortunate that no one could read his mind – he’d thought, really out of the blue, about Lily right in the middle of the service, as the vicar was talking about the responsibilities of marriage and the meaning of the vows they were about to take, and briefly wondered how he’d have been feeling if she’d been standing there next to him instead of Gemma. He’d even very briefly wondered how she’d look in a wedding dress and veil. And then he’d suddenly come to his senses and realised where he was and how truly awful his thoughts had been, and he’d completely lost concentration and lost his place in the wedding service. It had been very obvious, and Gemma, the vicar and the congregation had all laughed with great good humour; he’d heard one of his aunts say in a loud whisper that he was obviously overcome by the joy of the occasion and that it wastoo adorable; and he’d felt like the biggest fraud who had ever walked the earth.
He’d forced his mind away from Lily – who he had been sure he’d completely moved on from; the weird thoughts during the service must just have been wedding day nerves – and had thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the day and their honeymoon.
And he’d been a good, devoted, loyal husband for four years – other than very occasionally in his head, at other people’s weddings, when he’d thought about thinking about Lily during his own wedding and been furious with himself. But then he’d found Gemma in bed with Victor, the man replacing their kitchen roof, and Gemma had told him that she’d ‘wanted a bit of rough’ – her words – and that he, Matt, was toonice.
He’d felt a lot less nice ever since.
He really did want to know exactly why Lily had ended things. At the time, she’d talked about not wanting to talk, and vicious circles, and he’d known that after she’d lost her grandmother it had felt like there was a barrier between them, but he’d never really known how to breach that barrier or what exactly had happened between them. And he’d been so hurt when she’d refused to see him again, saying that she thought it was better for both of them to have a clean break, that he’d forced himself to stop thinking about her and had ended up throwing himself – too soon in retrospect – into a relationship with someone very different.
He watched Lily, Aaliyah and Meg step back from Tess as she took her place next to Tom.
He couldn’t reconcile the Lily he’d known and loved – and yes, still had feelings for, if he was honest – with the woman who’d apparently not wanted to tell him really important stuff about herself. Obviously it was entirely her prerogative not to tell him anything at all, but if you were close to someone you’d surely mention if you had severe asthma. But, again, her prerogative not to. Hurtful, though. God, so confusing.
Lily in the mud had been like the Lily he knew, and they’d had a great morning together.
Lily was sitting herself down now, a couple of rows in front of him. As she sat, smoothing the skirt of her dress under her as she lowered herself, she turned slightly and glanced at him and gave him a tiny half-smile.
Matt shivered, smiled back and then turned his eyes very deliberately towards the bride and groom.
