‘Clearly you had the right to marry whoever you liked. I apologise for implying that you didn’t.’ Lily’s voice was flat. ‘And clearly everyone grows up.’
Matt shook his head, still watching her. It felt like this conversation – argument – was going nowhere. Had he learned anything now that he’d finally got to ask her the ‘Why did we split up’ question? Yeah, maybe he had. All of a sudden, his anger kind of disappeared, evaporated, and he just felt… deflated.
‘From my side, I suppose I have to apologise for having asked you to talk about things you don’t want to talk about. Your prerogative not to.’ It sounded like maybe he’d pushed her away without even realising.
God, he’d obviously been too insensitive. Intrusive. That had probably been the problem. But also, it was just odd that she hadn’t mentioned the asthma.
They’d moved closer to each other while they’d been arguing, hissing at each other, and were now only a few inches apart, looking into each other’s eyes, neither of them smiling. Matt wasn’t sure whether he wanted to shout and shout and shout, or drag her towards him and kiss the hell out of her. And, God, that was an inappropriate thought at this moment.
Lily’s colour was heightened and her eyes were glistening and he’d never seen her like this before and the argument was his fault. The last remnants of his anger were replaced by a weary misery. He stretched his hand out and touched hers. She didn’t move for a moment and then briefly returned the pressure of his hand on hers. She opened her mouth to speak and…
‘Look at you two lovebirds.’ Carole had appeared behind them and had bent down and had an arm round each of their shoulders. He wondered if she could feel the tension that he was pretty sure was making his frame almost entirely rigid.
Lily pulled her hand away and looked down at the table.
‘Ha,’ Matt said to Carole. ‘Not lovebirds. Just old friends catching up.’ God, life was hard work sometimes.
‘Are you single, Lily?’ Carole asked.
‘Yep.’ Lily nodded and gave Carole a small smile, not meeting Matt’s eye at all. ‘Very much so. And very happily so.’
‘We’ll see about that,’ Carole said. ‘I’m sure we can find you a young man.’ She looked at Matt and winked.
Matt made another huge effort and said, ‘Ha,’ again, while Lily did another small smile.
‘Anyway—’ Could Carole genuinely be oblivious to the tension crackling around them? ‘—I just came to let you know that I think Norm and I are going to turn in now. We’re staying here with Penelope tonight, so that we’re on hand to help with anything from first thing tomorrow morning. Maybe you two should get an early night too.’ She winked at them both again. Neither Matt nor Lily even twitched.
Matt really wanted to leave too. And tomorrow he’d keep his distance from Lily at the wedding and then he wouldn’t see her again and he’d feel a lot better very soon.
If Tess and Tom had kids and had them christened, he’d have to remember to make an excuse not to go to the christening, in case Lily was there.
‘Have a good one,’ he told Carole. He pushed his chair backwards and stood up. ‘I’m going to say good night too and make my way back to my hotel now. Good night, Carole.’ He submitted to a big hug from her and then looked at Lily, who gave him a lips-tight-together smile.
‘Night, my love,’ Carole said.
‘Good night,’ Lily said.
Matt did a tight-lipped smile of his own, turned his back on Lily and walked across the garden to wish Tess a very good night’s sleep before her wedding.
Seven
Lily
Then – eight years before
Lily sat down on the bed, sniffed and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes before pulling the letter out of the envelope. Oh, God, the pain of it. Just over a month ago they’d thought her granny’s cancer was under control, and then, bam, they’d discovered that it wasn’t, and two weeks ago she’d died. It was so hard to get her head around.
She couldn’t believe that this was the last time she’d ever get a new letter in her granny’s distinctive handwriting. She’d had a lot of letters from her over the years, because her granny believed in keeping in close touch and she did not believe in doing so by email or any other form of modern technology.
My darling Lily,
You’ll be reading this the day after my funeral, unless someone messes up (and, frankly, lawyers do mess up, a lot, so who knows).
Or unless you’re too sad to start reading it. Don’t be sad, my darling. Well, do be a little sad, because it would be odd if you weren’t. And I think grief is healthy. But don’t be so sad that you can’t function normally. You have so much to live for.
Anyway. I’m going to keep this short.
First things first. I love you and it’s been an amazing privilege to be your grandmother. You know my thoughts on your parents both working all hours so that they couldn’t look after you themselves. I think they should have arranged things so that they could have spent more time with you. HOWEVER, I’m so, so grateful that I had the opportunity to look after you instead of them, because I’ve adored every single minute of it. I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams that I’d be gifted such a wonderful granddaughter.
