Matt stared at her. She was maybe eighteen inches away from him. Her face was so familiar. The curve of her cheek. The way her nose wrinkled when she did a big smile. The way she always quirked one of her eyebrows when she was saying something sarcastic. Without having seen her for the past eight years he could still have described her extremely accurately; so many things about her were etched in his memory.
And yet… how well had he actually known her?
He’d honestly thought the answer to that question wasreally well, in every way.
He knew lots of small things about her, like she’d always hated peas and she’d been a huge S Club 7 fan when she was about eleven and she’d failed her Art GCSE.
But he hadn’t known that she’d regularly been seriously ill as a child. If she’d spent that much time in hospital it had to have had a big effect on her. And she’d told Marie just now that she still had asthma, although thankfully now well-managed. And he hadn’t even known that. Wasn’t that something you’d tell your boyfriend about just for your own safety? They’d been on holiday together, on days out to the countryside together, miles from any hospital. Why hadn’t she told him then?
He was pretty sure – no, certain – that he’d told her about everything big in his life. A lot of the small things too, everything that had ever occurred to him really. He’d hidden nothing from her.
What else had she not told him about herself?
God. Maybe she’d been seeing someone else, and that’s why she’d broken it off with him. And that was an idea he’d literally never entertained before, even when he’d found Gemma in bed with Victor. She couldn’t have been. Lily just wouldn’t do that. Heknewshe wouldn’t.
Because heknewher. Except… did he really?
He knew that he was glaring at her. She was looking straight back at him, her face immobile.
Marie and Ricky were both busy talking to their daughters now. Ricky stood up with Mimi in his arms and Marie stood up and took Lauren’s hand, and the four of them began to walk away from the table.
‘So I never knew that you had asthma,’ Matt said, not caring whether the others were out of earshot.
‘I mean, we weren’t together for that long,’ Lily said, her face expressionless. ‘There was probably a lot of stuff we didn’t tell each other.’
‘We were together for fifteen months. We talked alot. I know that of course there was stuff we didn’t tell each other. But not big stuff. I thought.’
She shrugged.Shrugged. Like it didn’t matter. ‘I mean… It’s something I don’t like talking about. So I don’t if I don’t have to. I mentioned it just now because I feel like Marie and Ricky are understandably in a bad place about Mimi’s asthma and I thought I should help.’
‘Could I ask why you don’t like talking about it?’
‘Just… bad memories. You know.’ Still no expression.
He waited. He wassurethat wasn’t everything. He waited some more and she said nothing.
‘Marie said that your granny retired early to look after you so that your parents could carry on working when you were ill and that she was the one always in hospital with you and looking after you on a daily basis. But I remember you telling me she retired early from her teaching job because she wanted to set up her cake business. That’s like youchosenot to tell me about the asthma. And, thinking about it, I’m presuming that you must have literallyhiddenyour inhalers from me.’
She shrugged again. ‘Yeah. I kind of did choose not to tell you about it. I don’t like talking about it, as I said.’
Right.
‘Lily, why did we split up?’ He’d been about to ask the question when Lauren and Mimi had come over to their parents. ‘Was it because I’d been away working so much? Had you met someone else?’
She flinched, physically flinched, and then said after a pause, ‘No.No. There was no one else. Not spending enough time together was part of it, I think. And also it was, I suppose, for exactly this reason.’
‘This reason?’
‘That you sort of push me to talk about things I really don’t want to talk about. Meaning I’m not right for you. End of, really.’
‘End of? Couldn’t we have talked about this?’
She shook her head. ‘I mean, no? Kind of my point.’
‘But… we did talk. Could we not have talked… more? We told each other we loved each other. I meant it. I feel now like I hardly knew you.’
‘Sorry, what?’ Lily was frowning now. ‘You said you loved me. You told me you’d never love anyone else the way you loved me. But you met someone soon afterwards and married her only a year after we split up. So didIactually knowyou? And, right now, whoareyou? We were together for fifteen months and I never once saw you like this.’
‘Well,firstly, you left me and so I was clearly free to marry whoever the hell else I wanted whenever the hell I wanted, andsecondly, you knew me a long time ago.’ The angry words were just tumbling out of him. She was right: it was like he’d become a different person. ‘Clearly I’ve grown up since then. Andthirdly, I’ve never seenyoulike this before either.’
