‘Exactly. Would you like to speak to Sasha directly? Sasha, would you like to speak to Dan directly?’
‘Okay.’ Sasha sniffed.
‘So I’m going to pass the phone to Sasha,’ Evie told Dan. ‘Obviously I know that you know this but a wedding dress is ahugedeal for a bride and the wedding’s on Saturday.’
‘Yep, I’ll channel my inner adult and not be mean to my little sister.’
‘Thank you.’
Evie handed the phone to Sasha.
Whatever Dan was saying had to be good. Sasha was no longer crying; in fact, she was almost smiling.
‘Thank you,’ Sasha said. ‘No, we’ll do it. Evie’ll be amazing. But if we need help from a third party we’ll call you.’ She handed the phone back to Evie.
‘So what are we doing?’ Evie asked.Pleaselet Dan have prevailed common sense-wise over the laxatives.
‘We’re going to go back to the shop andtellTiff that she has to let the dress out. We’re going to be firm and she’s going to do it. And then I’m going to weigh myself literally about every hour, to make sure that I don’t change size any more. Dan offered to phone Tiff and speak to her for us, but I told him we don’t need a man to fight our battles for us.’
‘We certainly don’t,’ said Evie,reallywishing that Sasha had let Dan make the call, because Tiff was actually quite scary.
‘Exactly. We are strong women.’ Sasha linked her arm through Evie’s and started walking out of the shop. ‘Let’s do it.’
‘Hang on.’ Evie stopped just outside Boots’s entrance. ‘I need to google. I need some ammunition. Okay, got it. The Consumer Rights Act 2015. Come on. I’m going in.’
‘No,’ Tiff said, when they were back in the shop. ‘Really, I don’t think so. Please try the laxatives. Sasha, darling, I have it on great authority that several members of the royal family, and Hollywood royalty too, swear by them.’
Evie tried to imagine Tiff away and replace her with a naughty Year Seven. ‘Well, more fool them, frankly,’ she said. She squinted down at her phone screen. ‘I’m so sorry, Tiff, but I’m going to have to quote the Consumer Rights Act. Section Ten. Goods have to be fit for particular purpose. Section Fourteen. Goods to match a model seen or examined. Section Twenty-three. Right to repair or replacement. I could go on.’ She couldn’t go on much further without scrolling down on her phone.
‘Evie’s a very senior Consumer Rights Act lawyer,’ Sasha said.
‘Yes, I am,’ Evie said. ‘And not taking the dress out would be a clear breach of Sasha’s consumer rights. Which obviously you’re aware of, and I know that you just have Sasha’s best interests at heart.’
‘Obviously,’ said Tiff after a long pause, her eyes scarily narrowed, and voice like nails on a chalkboard, ‘if you want me to take it out, I will do that. I was just thinking of you. I’m not sure you want that stress.’
‘It won’t be stressful, because we know you’ll do a fab job,’ Evie said. ‘Thank yousomuch, Tiff. We’re both going to recommend you to all our friends.’
‘Very rich friends,’ Sasha said. ‘Who are all getting married very soon. Dozens of them. It’ll be very much worth your while. Thank you so much. We’re very grateful.’
‘Not a problem.’ Tiff looked like she’d just eaten a large slice of lemon when she’d thought she was getting orange.
Three hours later, Evie and Sasha were on the sofa in Sasha’s flat, watchingMy Big Fat Greek Wedding, with glasses of water – Sasha wasn’t touching alcohol with a barge pole before Saturday because of the empty calories factor – and big salads, dressing-free in Sasha’s case.
‘You don’t want to avoidallcalories,’ Evie said. ‘You can’tloseweight now.’
‘I might have a square of chocolate for pudding,’ Sasha said. ‘And a rich tea biscuit – low GI according to Google. Thank you so much for being with me this week. I’msoglad I’m getting married in the holidays so that you could be here in the run-up.’
‘Me too. If I hadn’t been you’d have had laxatives for dinner instead of salad.’
‘You wereamazingwith Tiff.’
‘I was really scared.’
‘You didn’t look scared. It wassocool when you started quoting the law at her. I mean, I actually believed you.’
They both sniggered and then Sasha said, ‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Mm, hmm.’ It was going to be another question about Dan.
