The baby was swaddled in hospital sheets and lying in Hannah’s arms.
Dan moved automatically to the basin in the corner of the room to wash his hands, craning over his shoulder as he squirted the soap and rubbed it off.
Then he turned around properly.
There were people and noise in the room, maybe someone addressing him, but Dan didn’t have the head space to work out what they were saying. He was walking towards the bed, towards his tiny little daughter.
Wow.
She had the most beautiful face he’d ever seen in his life. Just amazing. Perfect. There were really no other words.
‘She’s perfect. Could I hold her?’
Hannah didn’t say anything but she held their baby out to him.
Dan took her and sat down in the chair next to the bed. ‘She’s perfect,’ he said again. God, he wanted theworldto be perfect for this little girl. He wanted no-one ever to be cruel to her, for her never to be unhappy in any way, for her never to be disappointed.
It was like his heart was going to burst with love and fear all at the same time. How could you love someone so fiercely so fast? He’d only been in the room for a couple of minutes.
He looked up at Hannah. He knew that she hadn’t been seeing anyone else since they’d split up straight before she found out she was pregnant. And he was single. So he hoped they could spend some proper time together as a family.
‘Thank you,’ he said, suddenly overwhelmed by the miracle of women being able to grow babies. ‘So much. For having her. Thank you.’
‘She’s worth it.’
‘Yeah.’
They smiled at each other.
Dan looked back down at the baby and stroked her tiny hand.
‘Do we have a name?’ he asked. They hadn’t discussed anything before the birth. Hannah had been too busy at work.
‘Katie.’
He nodded. ‘I love it. Katie. Wow.’
He didn’t want to leave. Ever. He wanted to be around Katie as much as possible.
Katie was having a little wriggle in her sleep. Was it possible to actually melt with love for a person who’d only been born for less than an hour?
‘I’d like to see her as much as possible,’ he said. When was Hannah going to make her final decision on New York? She’d said recently that as they all got to grips with new hybrid working practices it still wasn’t clear-cut where senior staff should be based. ‘If that’s okay. I mean, whatever you think. But I’d love to spend time with her.’
‘Yes, of course,’ Hannah said. ‘I’d like that too.’
The thought of them leaving London, thecountry, was terrifying. What if he hardly ever got to see Katie? That would be devastating.
He was spiralling, he realised. But he just hated the fact that he had so little control over the situation.
He looked down again. Katie had a very symmetrical face. Maybe that was what made her the most beautiful baby ever born. She wriggled and gave a tiny mewling cry and moved her little head from side to side.
‘She’s rooting, isn’t she?’ said Hannah.
‘I think so.’ Dan nodded.
‘Oh, God. Breastfeeding. What if I can’t do it properly?’
‘You’ll be brilliant. I mean, you’ve just given birth to the most amazing baby ever. Youarebrilliant.’
