‘How was it? I’m not the biggest fan of babysitting, if I’m honest.’
‘I actually really enjoyed it. Although I’m knackerednow. He took alongtime to get to sleep. But no, I had a good time. He was gorgeous. Emotionally, it was a great thing to do. I’ve avoided being around babies for the past few years, but it was fine. I coped. I more than coped. I had a lovely evening. It made me realise that you should confront your phobias, or maybe slay your demons, more often. Anyway, I’m waffling. How are you?’
‘Not waffling and what you say makes a lot of sense.’ It did. Maybe James should consider attempting to slay some of his own demons. ‘I’m good except I’m worried about Fred. He hasn’t been himself for the past couple of days. I just wanted to talk things through with you before I call the vet again.’
‘Oh my goodness. What’s happened to him?’
‘He just doesn’t seem right. The vet already checked him out today and couldn’t find anything wrong. But Iknowhim.’
Was he, James, really saying these things? Mad.
Twenty minutes later he was standing next to Fred holding his phone out to Fred’s ear with the volume on high while Cassie crooned to him.
‘Noway,’ he said to Cassie after she’d eventually croon-shouted to him that there was a limit to how long she could phone-monologue to an alpaca and could they maybe stop. ‘He looks happier. I’m pretty sure he’s been missing you. He’s wandered off now and is chomping away. He’s been quite off his food.’
‘I’mridiculouslyflattered,’ Cassie said. ‘Alsoridiculouslyamused about how much of an animal-lover you’ve become.’
‘I know.’ James nodded even though she couldn’t see him. ‘It’s like some kind of reality show experience. Swap lives with someone and see if you become more like them.’
‘You’re right. And generally whether you learn stuff about yourself. Duringmyreality show experience, I’ve slain one demon and I might confront my other one. Plus, if I’m honest, I’ve learned not to judge a book by its cover.’
‘I’m not going to ask what your other demon is but I’m here if you’d like to tell me. Iamgoing to ask if I’m the book you judged.’
‘Yep.’
‘Ha. I might have judged you a little too.’
‘So what’s your reality show transformation been? If you’d like to say?’
‘Really just being open to stuff. I mean, when I made the sudden decision to do the swap it didn’t enter my head that I’d live like this. I thought I’d carry on like I live in London, but here. No interaction with neighbours, no alpaca and chicken feeding, no fishing. No poker. But it’s been great. I genuinely think I’m a nicer person.’
‘Wow. On behalf of my house and the island I’m going to say, “You’re welcome”.’
‘It isn’t just the house and the island. It’s you too. Leading by example. Anyway, I think this conversation’s getting a little sappy, so I’m going to thank you and leave you, but I might need to call you again very soon, maybe tomorrow, so that you can give Fred another pep talk.’
Old James would have been on the verge of vomiting from a chat like that. New James just put his phone in his pocket, gave the alpacas some sugar beet shred, dodged some spit and carried on back to the house.
Maybe he should tackle some of his own demons. Specifically, his father and sister.
That evening, one beer, three games of poker and about twenty dollars down, he came to a sudden decision.
‘Guys, I’m going to shoot,’ he told the others. ‘Something I’ve got to do this evening. I’ll see you next Tuesday.’ He’d miss poker when he got back to London. Maybe he’d try to find a similar group there.
‘You’d better prepare to lose big next week.’ Laura was gathering up piles of chips. She really was a seriously good player. James needed to practise more.
An hour later, he leaned back in Cassie’s uber-comfortable desk chair, rolled his shoulders and flexed his fingers. He was going to do this. He was going to send both emails. Demon slaying.
To: Dougie Finegan
From: James Grey
Subject: Relationship
Dougie,
We both know that you’re my father.
My mother died nine months ago and you have not mentioned her death to me.
