How truly awful. No wonder she was upset today.
‘That’s terrible.’ James squeezed her shoulders again. It felt like a ridiculously small gesture in the face of something so huge. ‘I think you’re being remarkably brave.’
‘I don’t feel brave.’
‘Are you kidding? Doing all of it by yourself?Sobrave.’
‘Thank you.’ From her voice it sounded as though she’d managed a smile. ‘It actually feels good to say it out loud, a bit of a sharing of the burden. I mean, I’m not going to go back in there and stand on a table and shout it out to everyone, but a little bit of talking is a good thing. Sorry that you were the victim.’
‘Ha. Really not a victim. I’m honoured that you chose to tell me.’ He hugged her again and then pointed upwards. ‘Shooting stars. That’s got to be lucky. How often do you see that?’
‘To be honest, I think we’re lucky just seeing the stars at all. And I feel very lucky to live here and to have done a house swap into such an amazing flat and, actually, as it turns out, with a lovely person, and now I’m definitely sober enough to realise that I’m sounding hideously schmaltzy, so I think we should go inside and help Laura cut her cake.’ Her neck as she looked up at the sky was so elegant. James took his arm away from her shoulders. For a moment of insanity he’d wanted to trace the line of her neck and her collarbone with his finger. So inappropriate.
‘Good point,’ he said. Definitely time to go inside. James squinted at the luminous tips of his watch hands. ‘Yep. We said we were going to cut it at eleven o’clock, didn’t we, and it’s quarter to now.’ He stood up, held his hand out for Cassie and hauled her to her feet.
‘Crikey,’ she said. ‘When the alcohol’s worn off a bit you realise that it’s quite cold.’
James opened his mouth to say that he could warm her up and then shut it again because that would soundreallyoff. Especially since he wasn’t wearing a jacket, so the only way to warm her would be to hug her. He held his arm out. ‘Come on. Let’s get you inside. It’s a lot warmer in there.’
‘Woah,’ Cassie said. It was lucky for her that she’d been holding his arm because her shoes clearly weren’t made for walking across fields. This one had a particularly large number of small mounds dotted around.
‘You okay?’ he asked. ‘Did you hurt your ankle?’
‘Nope, all good. Thank you. Embarrassing. Like we’re making a habit of you catching me.’ She looked up at him and smiled. And it was like the moment in the kitchen all over again. For no good reason at all, he really wanted to kiss her. They were standing looking at each other, not speaking. He could so easily slide one arm round her waist, pull her softness in towards him, maybe put his other hand in her hair, cup her cheek. He could still remember how her skin had felt when he’d wiped her tears away.
Her lips were slightly parted. Oh, God, she was moistening them with her tongue. And now she was starting to smile a little.
He took a little step towards her.
Andwhatwas he thinking? How ridiculously complicated would it be to start something with the woman he’d swapped properties with? Who knew really far too much about his life. And yet also absolutely nothing about his background. And who was currently gutted because her fertility treatment hadn’t worked out and understandably grieving for the loss of her baby. And who’d had alotto drink earlier in the evening.
He took a step backwards.
‘Cake-cutting time soon.’ His voice sounded embarrassingly hoarse.
‘You’re right.’ And Cassie’s sounded very fake bright and breezy. ‘And it’s cold. We should go inside.’ She pulled her arm out of his. ‘Pretty sure I’ll be okay. It’s flatter on this bit. Thank you.’
‘Pleasure,’ he said. Still sounding hoarse.
What an idiot.
Eighteen
Cassie
It was a good job that the clouds had moved away from the moon. Cassie really didn’t want to trip over again and land pressed up against James. Just now, she’d beensoready to kiss him. It had seemed so inevitable that something would happen that she’d almost made the first move herself. And then he’d taken a big step away from her.
Hopefully he hadn’t realised that she was so keen. Or hopefully, if hehadrealised, he’d put it down to the serious amounts of wine she’d knocked back earlier.
Woah, nearly tripped. She needed to walk very carefully. Staying upright was totally doable. She just had to place her feet one in front of the other very precisely, and feel around to make sure that she didn’t hit any surprise bumps on the ground. Right foot out. Ball of the foot on the ground, follow it with the heel, put her weight on. And then with the left foot. And back to the right. Easy.
Had she misjudged things with James just then? She’d been certain he was feeling what she was; he’d just had thatlook, like he’d had in the kitchen earlier. He’d been half smiling, his eyes on hers, and on her mouth, and on the base of her neck. God, she was shivering just thinking about it. Ridiculous. But it had felt so intense. And then something had made him stop.
Which was a good thing, obviously. They’d swapped homes and it would be weird to do anything even approaching also swapping bodily fluids, plus – and way more importantly – Dina was halfway in love with him. Shereallyliked him.
Cassie really liked him too, if she was honest.
Anyway. Maybe in another life. In this life, she’d totally be up for meeting someone, one day, but realistically James was not that person.
