‘Yep. It’s nowhere near as time-consuming as it used to be, except before bedtime, when he likes a long feed,’ Angela said, ‘so it’s fine but it isn’t great timing for evening meal preparation unless you do it a lot earlier in the day.’
‘It must be lovely having those cuddles with him,’ said Cassie, trying not to sound wistful.
‘It is.’ Angela’s face lit up. ‘But I tell you what, breastfeeding’s a lot harder than it looks. And I had mastitis at one point, and that was horrendous. I’ve never felt so ill so fast in my life.’
‘It sounds awful.’ Cassie knewthat it was awful because she’d had mastitis herself, after she’d lost the baby. Awful didn’t begin to describe how bad that had been. ‘Did you have any help from wider family after the baby was born?’ Genius, almost the ‘is there a sperm donor in the picture’ question.
‘No, not really,’ Jennifer said. ‘My family’s in the States, and Angela’s family’s in Australia. And based on great but also bitter experience, we know that when either of our families stay with us, they’rehighmaintenance, so we decided to be strict with them, and we didn’t have anyone to stay until Sammy was three months old. So it was just the three of us.’
‘Apart from Doug. The father,’ Angela said. ‘A friend who provided the sperm.’
‘Yeah, we basically turkey basted,’ Jennifer said. ‘Doug’s completely hands-off, though.’ Dammit. They hadn’t done the anonymous donor and IVF route.
‘Lucky that he’s hands off,’ said Angela, ‘because we don’t really want to share Sammy.’
‘Yeah, Doug’s perfect,’ Jennifer said. ‘We know him, because with an anonymous donor of course you have no idea, and he’s great, but he works all hours so, you know, he isn’t around much. Ideal. In the nicest possible way.’
Cassie was beginning to be sure that fromherperspective an anonymous sperm donor would be ideal. Prospective donors had to be rigorously screened for genetic health conditions, didn’t they? And they had to give their details so that children could find their fathers when they turned eighteen. And if someone was public-spirited enough to donate sperm you’d think they’d be kind enough to agree to meet their eighteen-year-old child.
And, frankly, with her track record with men when she was younger, it wasn’t like she’d be great at choosing an in-person sperm donor. This way, her child would probably get abetterfather.
Funny how sometimes when someone expressed a firm preference about something it made you realise that you felt quite differently. She’d have to make a ‘Do IVF with sperm donor’ pros and cons list later.
On her way home, Cassie read several more texts from Dina. Mega rain still on the island. Don Brown had seen a whale off Blue View Point. The more Dina thought about it, the more she was sure James could be The One. If he went to Amy’s party she was pretty sure that something wouldhappen.James wasreallynice. James was going to get someone to come to the island to try to improve the Wi-Fi. James had a great sense of humour when you spoke to him properly. James was amazing. Right.
Cassie finished her reply just as the taxi driver was pulling up outside the flat.
List time.
Pros:
DESPERATE to have baby
DESPERATE to be pregnant with own baby
If it works out would then HAVE A BABY TO LOVE
A lot to be said for not having a father involved. Simon would have been a shit father
Cons:
Heartbreaking if doesn’t work out
Hard to be pregnant by self
Hard to bring up baby by self
Etc
Cassie couldalwaysbe bothered to write a list out. But on this occasion there were justso manycons, big and small, it felt like a waste of time.
Frankly, it felt like madness to even be contemplating going it alone.
But the capitals said it all.Desperateandhave a baby to love.
She was going to do it. She was going to bloody do it. She was going to try to have a baby.
Eleven
