I clench my fists and give up on the idea of fully relaxing. So what if I’m considering all the ways I can kill in less than thirty seconds? That’s doing more to relax me tonight than the lavender.
I’m wasting time dwelling on old, misplaced worries, anyway. If bath time is doomed to introspection, I’d be much better off figuring out how I’m going to handle the Luca situation. I’m feeling way too friendly toward him recently. It’s clearly annoying him, because his behavior is all over the place.
I offered to apologize to get us back on track, something that’s easier said than done given my specific radiant gift, but Luca won’t take me up on it. Whether that means he doesn’t hold my behavior against me or if he’s decided to keep things normal at work is anyone’s best guess.
Fuck. I sit up with a splash. What if I made him uncomfortable when I invited him over to watch trash TV? I mean, we work at a strip club, and he sees my tits almost daily, but that’s business. Does Luca feel harassed?
Before I can freak myself out more, I decide to ask him. Luca loves to overthink, but I prefer to be proactive. I’ve always believed that awkwardness is the figment of an anxious imagination. If you approach things head on, you’d be surprised by how many weird conversations become straightforward.
Drying my hands on a towel, I grab my phone and pull up our message thread.
Celine
Do I make you uncomfortable? Sexually? If so, you can tell me, and I’ll clean up my act. You’re my friend, and I would never want to do anything to make you feel unsafe.
Luca
I don’t know what to say.
Shit, I knew it. I’m out of line.
Hang on. I’m processing. You’ve got to give me a minute.
I wait a minute, then watch the ticking hands on my phone’s digital clock move around the circle a second time. I know he didn’t mean the minute literally, but I wish he did. That would make this hang time easier to take. I squirm around in the tub, my stomach doing its best to escape and float away to dissolve next to the fizzing bath bomb.
Luca
Okay, let’s clarify some things. First, you’ve never made me feel unsafe. I’m not sure you even could if we’re being honest.
I re-read his message, then scoff. He’s a little too confident in his own abilities. I’m scary when I want to be. Luca just hasn’t seen it.
Luca
Second, you don’t make me uncomfortable. If you ever did something I didn’t like, I would tell you.
My stomach settles slightly, but my head picks up the slack. Luca isn’t denying his discomfort, only that I’m the cause of it. So, what’s his problem?
Luca
And before you demand to know more, that’s something for me to deal with, not you. You can’t fix everything by bulldozing it.
Celine
Are you sure? It’s worked okay for me so far.
That’s debatable, but there’s no reason to dredge up ancient history. In my experience, if you have bones buried in the backyard, you shouldn’t fucking dig. I type a follow-up message before he can call me out.
Celine
Binge our show tomorrow?
Luca
Only if you go for a run with me first.
Ugh. Fine.
I put my phone down and prop one leg on the edge of the tub. The water is a little too hot, but I’ll make do. We’re in the desert. It would be wasteful to drain it all and start again.Maybe I should keep a thermometer in here, for precision.
