“What do I want?” the Duke took a step toward her, and she thought she saw a flicker of a smile pass across his lips. “A strange question to ask a man on his wedding night. Most men would want only one thing.”
“And most ladies, I suspect, would not.”
He almost laughed at this, but of course, he didn’t.
“Well, fear not,” he said, and the hint of amusement on his face melted away, replaced by his usual cold, reserved expression. “Because that is exactly what I came to speak with you about.”
Looking away from her, he walked slowly to the window and looked out of it, over the grounds. There wasn’t much to see in the dark, except for the square patches of light where upstairs windows reflected down onto the lawn.
“You wish to discuss our marital relations?” she prompted, after he was quiet for a moment longer.
“Yes,” he said, his back still turned to her. “Ideally, I would have liked to discuss this before we were married, but given the circumstances, there was no time. Then of course, I hoped to bring it up in the carriage, but we got… distracted.”
Emery flushed slightly with anger, but also with a stranger feeling: it was almost like regret. If she had not known better, the Duke’s phrasing would have made her think that he was distracted in the carriage for good reasons… perhaps because he was caught in a passionate embrace with his wife.
Which only reminded her of her longing for the kind of marriage where she would have spent the ride to her new home being embraced by a man who loved her.
Don’t think about that now. Just focus on getting through this uncomfortable conversation.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t stick to your agenda items,” she said tartly. “But I had my own concerns to discuss with you in the carriage.”
He turned back around, and his green eyes bored into hers. “Is that what you call a discussion?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “I found it closer to an ambush.”
“No, an ambush is what you did to me at the wedding,” Emery said, putting her hands on her hips. “What I did in the carriage was a counter-attack.”
The Duke’s mouth twisted slightly, and he muttered, “Less than twenty-four hours into this marriage, and it has already become a war.”
“It began as a war,” she said coolly, “a war I didn’t want.”
“A war you initiated by scaring off you bridegroom,” he snapped, and the way he said this was so irritated and final that she decided not to respond. It wasn’t worth having another fight. She was tired and wanted to go to bed. So, she said nothing, simply leaning back against her vanity and raising an eyebrow expectantly.
His jaw tightened, and a muscle in it twitched as he loomed over her.
“This marriage will be a union on paper only,” he said at last. “And while I will make sure that all your financial and material needs are met, I see no reason for us to have to interact much in the coming years. I think this will be beneficial for us both, as I anticipate much time spent together will only result in more arguing. In fact…” he hesitated for a moment, then continued. “If you wish, we don’t need to see one another at all. I have plenty of estates where you can go to live, leaving you a castle of your own, or my London townhouse. Whichever you prefer.”
Emery frowned as she tried to wrap her mind around all of this and what it would mean for her future. There were certain things he was implying but not saying outright, and she personally wanted everything upfront and on the table.
“So, in the matter of heirs,” she began cautiously. “You and I would…?”
“Not be partaking in their facilitation.” A very faint pink flush appeared on the Duke’s cheeks, which gave Emery a smallamount of satisfaction. She liked to see the Duke embarrassed--it showed he had real feelings.
“I see,” she said, although she didn’t really. “You do not want heirs, then? Isn’t that a duke’s main duty? To perpetuate his line? Didn’t you tell me, in the carriage, that ‘marriage is not about love, it is about the practicality of raising children and continuing on one’s family line’?”
The Duke’s jaw tightened, and she suspected he didn’t like having his own words used against him.
“I did say that,” he conceded. “And in most cases, it is true. But I never planned to marry, so I had long ago reconciled myself to the fact that I wouldn’t be carrying on my family line. Not personally, at least. But as you know, I have a younger brother. He will someday become the Duke of Dredford, and his children after him.”
So, either way, I would have become the Duchess of Dredford! It was a strange thought. And now, when my husband dies, I shall have to leave this home, or wherever else I end up living in, to make room for Henry and whoever he ends up marrying. Or perhaps they’ll allow me to live where I please, and we can all be close friends.
The thought was not an unhappy one, and she must have smiled, because the Duke said, his face still expressionless, “You seem pleased with this.”
She drew herself up. “If I am being perfectly frank, I have mixed emotions about it,” she said. “While I do not desire to have a traditional marital relationship with you and would have refused had you come here with that expectation--” he flinched slightly at this, which made her feel like a victorious general “--I cannot deny that I did always dream of having children. So, it shall take some time for me to adjust to this new reality.”
And despite the decisiveness in her voice, she could already feel the veil of disappointment settling over her.No children… No husband to love me or even children to adore me. No love at all.
She would have to learn to make do with the love of her friends. And the love of her sisters-in-law, hopefully, and all the children they would one day have.
I suppose I shall have to find happiness as an aunt.
