The tears I cried in the shower, wondering what was wrong with me.Renewing my determination to lose weight, get in shape, work harder.
Do better.
And ultimately failing.
Yes.That last year we fell apart.
Whether there was something inherently wrong with me, whether he thought I was too independent or not didn’t matter in the long run.Because people were not perfect.
People, even the best of them, let you down.And if you couldn’t stand on your own two feet, you wouldn’t stand at all.
On Monday morning, I would meet with my parents again.Make them see the value in my community outreach program.It would be wonderful for the kids in the community to have a taste of how I grew up with my brothers, as well as Max, and Noelle.To make those connections to nature.To revel in the great outdoors.
I had a magical childhood.And I wanted to share it.
Finding a new focus had marginally improved my mood, but by the time afternoon rolled around, Paul’s words had again taken up residence in my brain.
‘You didn’t need me.’
He was wrong.
Because the truth was, I had needed him.
I needed him to tell me he loved me and always would.
I needed him to tell me I was beautiful, if only to him.
I needed him to hold my hand, walk through life with me, and give me the children I so desperately wanted.
I needed him to show me I could be someone’s first choice.
That he would be there for me.
I needed him.
But he wasn’t there.
Reminding me of a lesson I’d already learned.
The only person I could trust to be there for me, was me.
7
Handled
Noamountofmake-upcould hide the haunting in my eyes.
If Hunter had still been alive, he would have mocked Paul until I peed.He would have raked him over the coals so hard I’d never be able to think of him again without laughing.
But Hunter left us and took his loveable brand of lunacy with him.
I studied my reflection in the mirror and added a touch more concealer under my eyes then snapped my compact closed.It would have to do.
God, I hoped Max and especially Daire, didn’t know about Paul’s engagement.
Noelle threw open the door to her and Hawkley’s luxury log cabin and immediately drew me into a hug.
I leaned in for a moment then pushed her away abruptly.I did not cry in front of anyone.
