It took Hawkley some time to accept him, but they were good now.
The last picture Paul and I took was the first one to come up on my feed.The annual Christmas party at Sage Ridge.
Looking at it now, I could see the distance between us.We smiled at the camera instead of each other.My body tilted away from him.He looked stiff and uncomfortable.
I wore my red dress.My eyes ran over my curves in the picture.When I put it on for the party, it had felt a little snug, but I thought I looked decent.
Standing in front of the full-length mirror in the hallway that night, I ran my hands over my curves.It was a little tighter.But it didn’t look bad.I turned, twisting around to see it from all sides.
My butt looked good.My tummy was a little rounded, but wasn’t terrible, I assured myself.In any case, it was too late to change.Not that I had anything better.
And who cared?It’s not like these people didn’t see me every day whether I looked my best or like something the cat dragged in.They were practically family.
I positively strutted out to the family room ready to rock Paul’s world.He sat in his favorite chair scrolling through his phone.
“Are you ready?”I posed, a thrill of anticipation uncurling in my stomach.He loved this dress.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”He stood up and headed for the door, snatching his keys and wallet off the table in the hallway without a single glance in my direction.
“Paul, how do I look?”
He turned to face me, his eyes lighting with appreciation.
My heart leapt inside my chest.We so badly needed a good night.
“You look good, babes.”His eyes dropped to my feet before moving back up.
I tingled with happiness.It had been so long since we’d made love.Longer still since we’d had fun together.
“It seems a little snug?”
The icy bullet of reality slammed into my chest and shattered.I died quietly, ducking my head so that my hair provided a curtain to hide my face while I pretended to search through my purse.
“There.I think I have everything.”
He remained where he was, looking at me critically.
“It’s too late to change now.It’s fine.Let’s go.”
I avoided him as much as I could throughout the evening.It wasn’t so much that I was punishing him than saving myself from the sting of humiliation every time his eyes dropped to my tummy.
But after hearing him heartily describe me as a juicy cherry to one of my staff, I could take no more.It was then I escaped to the office hallway and came upon Noelle and Hawkley.What a fucking disaster that was.
I might have handled that situation differently if I hadn’t been so raw myself.
Yeah.In that picture, it was already over.
I scrolled further.Five years’ worth of pictures.It was the last year when things had changed.What happened that last year to trigger his disdain?
Was it my weight gain?
Fatigue had dogged me.Mom and Dad thought I was working too hard, but I didn’t buy it.
The doctor confirmed a slaggy thyroid gland.She started me on medication immediately, but by the time it kicked in, I’d gained twenty pounds.A non-returnable, non-refundable, gift.
No matter what I ate or how I exercised, those twenty pounds refused to budge.
I made friends with it.
