Ten years of regret, remorse, and anguish erupted with a single, garbled, confession.“That I should have picked up the phone.”
For a millisecond his body went rigid then he curled around me tighter.“Now we’re getting to the crux of it all, little one.When did you not pick up the phone?”
I squeezed my eyes shut.The only other person who knew about this was Christine.And she wasn’t here anymore.There was literally no one else on earth who knew my deepest regret.
My greatest failure.
Maybe this was the wake-up call Daire needed.
“The day Hunter died, I was hanging out with Noelle.He texted me on my cell, but I was having fun with Noelle and muted him.An hour later, the police showed up at our door.”
“Oh, fuck,” Daire breathed.
I swallowed.“That’s not all.The reason he texted me was because Mom asked me and him to go into Mistlevale to pick up her order.He texted to tell me he was ready to go but could handle it himself if I didn’t feel like going.”My throat thickened.“Said if he heard from me within the next ten minutes, he’d swing by and pick me up.”My chest tightened mercilessly as I choked out the words.“I didn’t even answer him.”
Regret forged in the blackest depths of sorrow erupted from my belly.The sounds they ripped from my throat were guttural, ugly, and buried for far too long.
Daire rocked me back and forth, his face pressed to the nape of my neck, nonsensical murmurings in my ear.
“Harley, baby,” Daire whispered, his voice strained.“Do you honestly think Hunter would have wanted for you to be in that car with him?”
“No.But if he picked me up, he wouldn’t have been at that intersection at that moment.If I’d even taken a second to answer, he wouldn’t have been at that intersection.And if it had to have been someone, it should never have been him.He was the best of all of us.”
“Harley,” he whispered.“Thank you for sharing your pain with me.”
I hiccoughed.“You’re not going to try to make me feel better?”
He pressed his face into my hair.“I promised I wouldn’t.”
Whoever said confession was good for the soul was onto something.I felt lighter.And the fact he accepted what I did without trying to whitewash it helped.
“I found out a couple of months ago that he had decided he was going to marry Noelle.That’s why Hawk pushed her away even though he was in love with her.They had a fight over her right before the car accident.”
“Let me get this straight.Hawkley stayed away from the love of his life because he argued with Hunter right before his death?And you’ve been living in purgatory for a decade because you dipped out of a chore?”
“It’s not his fault.”
“No.It’s not.But it’s a testament to how much he meant to both of you that you lived in that kind of hell all these years.”
“I miss him.”
“I get that.But I’ve gotta ask.How do you think Hunter feels about how you’ve all been living?”
“Devastated.But you promised you wouldn’t try to make me feel better.”
“Remember that when you hear what I have to say next.”
I took a shuddering breath.“Do I want to hear this?”
He wrapped his hand around my throat and stroked my pulse, a move that never failed to settle me.
“You’re not honoring him, Harley.You’re not even remembering him the way he deserves to be remembered.This may sound harsh, but you’re wallowing in your own guilt becausethat’swhat makes you feel better.”
I stiffened.“How can you say that?Do I look like it makes me feel better?”
“No.But it satisfies your need to balance the scales just a tiny bit, doesn’t it.”
“I’m punishing myself,” I replied quietly.
