“Liz, when I met you, it was like finding the other half of my soul.”
I shake my head and sit on the edge of the bed, trying to process.
“Don’t you understand?” He crouches down next to me, just like he did that first day by my cubicle. I can barely look at him. I stare at the floor instead.
“Liz?” He lifts my chin. “You are my perfect match.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. Taking my reluctant hand in his he says, “Don’t you see the way I look at you? I’m not looking at you with pity or ridicule. It’s love, Lizzy. Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you. I love you with everything that I am.”
I gasp. “What kind of game are you playing with me? I get it. It’s like, ‘What happens when the loner girl thinks I love her? Wow, maybe her shell will just fall off. Once I know I can fix a difficult case like her, then I can move on to bigger and harder test subjects.’” I push up from the bed and begin to gather my things. I don’t want to hear anything else he has to say.
“Out of everything I just said to you, that’s what you heard?” he asks, lifting to his feet. “Project was a poor choice of words. I’m telling you that I love you, Liz. I’ve never said that to anyone before.”
I don’t know what clicked inside me, but it doesn’t matter what he says from here on out. My mind is made up. I need to leave him before he leaves me. I can’t take being broken again.
Within a matter of minutes, I’m almost completely dressed and scrounging for my other shoe. I lift the covers and search under the bed. When I get up, he’s holding it in his hand.
“Don’t do this. I know you’re scared. I know this is hard for you.”
I try to yank it from his grip, but he pulls it away.
“You’re right,” I say. “It was hard for me to trust you. You were a risk and I took it. Look where it got me. The last time I gave my heart to someone, I found out he was married with a kid. I thought that was bad, but at least I knew he had feelings for me, even if it was only about sex. But you… I thought you were different. I pushed you away time and time again, and there you were. I thought that meant something. That maybe you could like the real me, just the way I am.”
He steps toward me. “Idolike you the way you are.”
“No, you like the me I’ve become under your special guidance. You’re trying to mold me into something I’m not.”
“You need to stop and think about what you’re saying,” he says, shaking his head.
“Have I ever tried to change you?” he begins. “No. I love that you talk fast and forget to breathe when you’re nervous. I love that when you get pissed at me, you put your earbuds in because you need time to process. I love that your cheeks blush the most beautiful shade of red I’ve ever seen when you’re embarrassed and that you don’t like to talk because you’d prefer to listen instead.”
He reaches out and pushes a strand of hair away from my face. “But most of all, I love who I am when I’m with you. Just being near you makes me happier than I’ve ever been. Because from the moment I saw you, it’s like my heart knew.”
My mind is twisting and turning with all he’s said, but it can’t be real. He must have something to gain out of this. I’m no prize. He said I was a project. I need to remember that.
“Yeah, your heart knew I could be… what did you call it that first day? Just what you needed? The right research project to fix what you broke?”
He sighs. “You are what I need, but not the way you think. Stop pushing me away.”
I grab my shoe from his hands and rush down the stairs.
“Where are you going? Dammit, Liz. Stop doing this!”
I pick up my purse and turn the handle on his front door.
“Have a little faith in me. Think about what I’ve said to you. If you walk out that door, you’re letting fear win.”
I turn to face him as the tears flow down my cheeks.
“Don’t you see how good we are together? We fit. Tell me you care about me as much as I care about you. Stay. Make the choice to fight for us.”
I face the door and he steps next to me, placing his hand on it.
“I can’t keep doing this dance with you. We make love and I say one wrong word and you’re willing to throw it all away. You’re tearing me apart. Don’t run away again. Let’s work this out. If you leave now, you’re telling me I’m not worth it.”
My head and heart are pounding two different rhythms. My heart wants to stay and my head keeps repeatingprojectover and over again. I don’t know why I can’t let it go. Every time I’ve ever listened to my heart, I’ve ended up in a heap on the floor. I won’t let him destroy me. I can’t. I listen to the part of me that has never let me down.
And I leave.
