Victoria sighed. She could not say she was surprised that Henrietta was still intent on her marrying. Victoria was still set in her decision not to do so, but as she thought about the possibility of marriage to someone, her reasons for not doing so were different than they were before. It was not only about providing for her family anymore.
When she thought about marriage, Lord Harford immediately popped into her mind. Her heart clenched, and she felt a tightening in her belly. She simply could not picture herself marrying anyone…except for Lord Harford.
The realization was startling. The feelings she had been trying to define for herself were swirling through her, nearly overwhelming her.
She had the horrible feeling that she was actually falling in love with him.
How foolish could she be?
How could she give her heart to a man who had sworn to never marry?
Perhaps it was fate. It was as though she were being told by God himself that she was not destined for marriage. Why else would she find herself falling in love with a man who would never want to make her his wife?
“You know I just want what is best for you,” Henrietta said, reaching across the table and laying her hand over Victoria’s. “I am glad that you are finding contentment in your position, but you deserve so much more, my dear. I wish I could make you see that.”
Forcing a small smile, Victoria replied, “I appreciate your concern, Aunt. I really do, but I am quite settled in my fate. I promise I am happy with my lot in life.”
Henrietta sighed and appeared disappointed, but she did not press the issue.
“All right,” she murmured. “If you are happy, I am happy for you. Still, I hope you allow yourself to be open to the possibility. You never know who you may encounter as you go about your life.”
“I promise I will be open,” Victoria assured her, hoping to ease Henrietta’s concerns. “Now, let us talk of something else, Aunt. Something cheerier. Are you looking forward to the beginning of the Season?”
“Oh, indeed I am,” Henrietta answered, her expression lighting up. “I have already received a few invitations and am quite looking forward to more social occasions.”
Victoria sat back and listened intently as Henrietta began talking about all her plans for the upcoming Season. She was clearly excited and thankfully distracted from her concerns about Victoria and her lack of marriage prospects. As Henrietta chattered on, Victoria tried to ignore the pang in her chest and the anxiety bubbling within her.
She might be falling in love with Lord Harford, but she could not act on it. It was simply an impossibility, and she knew as they entered the Season, she would have to endure watching other ladies vying for his attention.
Not that any of them would be successful.
Lord Harford was not in want of a wife…and he would certainly never consider Victoria even if he was.
Her feelings would forever remain one-sided, so it was best that she not acknowledge them. If she wanted to keep her post, she could not let her tumultuous emotions toward Lord Harford get in the way of things.
Nothing could change. Nothing would change.
She would stay the course and stay focused on her initial goal of supporting her family while doing her best to be content with her choices.
Lord Harford was not for her. Even fantasizing about him would only cause her grief.
She would ignore this blooming love. Shove it to the side and never think about it again.
That was all she could do. All she could think of was to bear the burden of her feelings.
She needed to remember her place…and forget all about her desires for Lord Harford.
Chapter 28
“Thank you for accompanying me today, Tory. It will be good to have a second opinion on my selections.”
“Of course, I am happy to be joining you,” Victoria replied as she and Emily made their way down the street toward the modiste, where Emily was picking up the dresses she had ordered for Lily and finalizing several designs for herself. Lily was having a playdate at a household with several children around her age, so both Victoria and Emily were free for several hours.
It had been quite some time since Victoria had gone to a modiste, and though she was not going to purchase any gowns for herself, she was rather excited to be surrounded by fine materials and lovely dresses once more. It would be a small taste of what her life used to be.
“We cannot take too long, though,” Emily declared. “Edward will be along to join us for tea afterwards, remember.”
Victoria swallowed and nodded. “Oh, yes, I remember.”
