Zac,
First, I know how hypocritical I must seem after you confessed your reason for leaving sixteen years ago. I’m not defending my choice to leave quietly, only asking you to understand what a jumbled mess my brain is at this moment. What we shared meant so much. I never thought I’d feel so alive after living so long in fear of everything around me. The time with you has made me brave, and while, yes, I can see how cowardly I may seem right now, just know that I am allowing myself space to figure out what I want my life to be.
I make no promises aside from the promise that this is not goodbye. I hope you forgive me for leaving and I don’t expect you to wait for me. But leaping before I figure my shit out would be irresponsible, and as you know, that’s not me.
Thank you for being my guide, my supporter, and my lover (if even for a short time).
Miss you,
Tabitha
Zac sat in the driver’s seat for a solid hour reading and re-reading the letter Tabitha had left. He tried his best to figure out how he felt about it beyond the overwhelming sadness of her leaving and regret for his role in further complicating her life.
No. Screw that. If he regretted anything it was that he hadn't tried to smooth things over the instant she started choking on that onion ring at The Rooftop earlier that week. He’d handled the situation with careful finesse that he didn’t typically possess, and it backfired. He shouldn’t have been so passive. He should have made her face her worries and fears. Face him. He should have made her stay.
Why does everyone I love leave me?
A tear slid down his cheek and landed in the middle of the letter. The pen marking smudged and soon another follow the same path. Until he shook his head violently and ground his knuckles against his eyelids.
Stop this.
Not everyone leaves.
Begrudgingly, he began counting his blessings. His health, his tricked out van, the trust fund he never touched but knew he could always lean on in case of emergency. But what really mattered were the people in his life. Jonathan, Lucy, Frankie, Benji (but not so much; that guy could still suck it), even he and Todd had become close during the renovation.
“Shit!” Zac wrenched the key in his ignition and flipped the van into gear. He was due to meet everyone for the big reveal at ten, and he barely had enough time to drive out to Plain before Jon and Lucy’s return. He tore out of the KOA a little faster than he should have and turned toward the people who loved him.
His chosen family.
Chapter forty-nine
Interstate 90, Tabitha
Treesandrockswhippedby as Tabitha zoned out in the back of her rideshare. Her busy mind consumed her focus, and it wasn’t that long after being picked up from Leavenworth that her driver stopped trying to engage.
I wasn’t trying to protect your future. I was trying to protect my heart.
She couldn’t justify being angry with Zac. Vulnerability always came with a price and she knew as well as anyone that you have to look out for yourself. Protect yourself. She’d been doing the same thing for years, never relying on anyone but herself.
And Angus.
The idea that her brother—her twin—had said such hurtful things behind her back felt unreal. That Zac was some “flight of fancy” that she’d cast aside when she got bored.
Tabitha shook her head, trying to dispel the ache while knowing she wouldn’t feel better until she hashed it out with her sibling.
Tabitha:
You free?
Angus:
Yup. You caught me at the perfect time.
I’m halfway through my Seattle to Portland ride and taking a little break.
How was Leavenworth?
Tabitha:
