Robert nodded. “And next you’re gonna say you’re young enough to be my son.”
“Yuck. No. I wasn’t gonna say that because I think you’re kind of hot, and I wouldn’t want to spoil the moment or the heat I’m feeling right here.” Jasper placed a hand over his heart, although the real furnace was firing up much farther south.
“How about ‘you look good—for your age’? Is that on the tip of your tongue?”
Jasper shook his head, even though it was. Then he realized the truth: Robert looked good, period.
There was a jukebox in the bar. Even though Jasper rarely saw them anymore, it fit in here at Wishful Drinking, providing a dreamy red-and-yellow luminance to the corner in which it sat. One of the frat boys, a blond who looked like he just stepped out of a J. Crew catalog, wandered over to it.
In only moments, R. Kelly’s remix of “Ignition” blared out.
Robert closed his eyes and pursed his lips. “No,” he whispered.
Jasper leaned forward. “I hate it too. We should go.”
Robert opened his eyes and gave him a pointed look. Jasper wanted to remind him that he had not said something like, “Do you want to get out of here?” which could signal “Let’s get somewhere alone together.” But he thought Robert might have taken it that way.
And Jasper had to admit that he didn’t mind the idea…. Robert was much older than guys he usually hooked up with, and if the man had shown up on his Scruff app, Jasper would have immediately discounted him. Honestly, he was indifferent about older men. Like a lot of other guys he knew his age, he simply didn’t see them.
And that was sad.
But Jasper was reevaluating what he found attractive. Maybe those guys his age who said they were into DILFs weren’t so far off base. Youth had its charms, of course, but age brought wisdom, experience, and, one could hope, control.
But even if Robert was having amorous thoughts, Jasper knew he couldn’t do anything sexual with him. At least not today. It would be like betraying Lacy all over again. And even if he thought she might be looking down at the two of them and giving a celestial thumbs-up, Jasper knew, in his heart of hearts, that what he really needed was to be alone.
He wanted suddenly to simply go home and crawl into Lacy’s bed, pull up the covers, and immerse himself in her smell. Her pillow would be infused with the aromas of makeup and Chanel No. 5. He wanted to drift off with those smells in his nostrils and then wake later, when it was dark. He’d look out the windows and see the cones of falling snow in the streetlight illumination and think about how she’d made her famous Belgian stew. Maybe he’d even run over to Jewel and get what he needed.
Robert shocked him out of his reverie by handing him his peacoat. “Let’s go,” he said over the blare of the music.
Jasper shrugged into his coat, pulled his gloves out of the pockets, and put them on. He stood waiting by the door as Robert settled up with Venus. He didn’t know the size of the bill he gave her, but the surprise and delight on her face were apparent even from across the room. Her “on the house” round, Jasper figured, had been more than paid for.
She leaned across the bar and gave Robert a hug, which surprised Jasper.
Robert shrugged into his camel-colored coat, cashmere most likely, as he walked toward Jasper.
“Ready?” he asked.
Jasper nodded.How do I tell him he’s not coming home with me? How do I get out of going to his hotel with him (luxurious, probably on the Mag Mile)?Jaspertsked himself for being presumptuous.
They headed out.
A wind whipped the still-falling snow almost sideways as they stood under the meager shelter of the bar’s burgundy awning. The snow felt like needles in Jasper’s face.
Robert pulled his phone out. “I’ll call an Uber. Can I drop you off anywhere?” He tapped the screen a few times.
Jasper shook his head. “I live around the corner. I can walk.”
“Nonsense. I’ll give you a lift.”
“No, really. It would be ridiculous and probably out of your way. It’ll take me, like, five minutes, if that.”
Robert gave him a look that spoke volumes about what he hoped—Jasper knew he was searching for a way to get him alone. Jasper didn’t think he was flattering himself. He knew enough about men to know a look when he got one—it was held a little longer than normal.
“Are you sure?” Robert asked.
Jasper wasn’t. Yet there was something in his heart yearning for sanctuary, which he could only find on his own. “I kind of want to be by myself now. I think the loss is hitting.”
“But won’t you be bothered by being there? In the place where she….”
