“You need company?” Clare awkwardly laughs.
“Nah, I’m fine.” I smile tightly. “I need to catch a friend before they get here anyway.”
“Ah. Yeah, probably a good idea this many in.” Holly frowns.
Outside, I inhale the fresh Tallow air, wobbling along a lilac-dusted downtown street. If this week could stop coming for my knees when I already have so much to process, that would be great.
I place my hands on my head, marching toward the florist shop at the corner. Hopefully I’ll be able to collect myself by then.
My airways tighten, killing any buzz I had, a wave of dizzy nausea washing over me instead.
This is why I don’t drink much, because after a certain point, all I feel is ill, and I already feel like that most of the time.
One or two glasses would have been fine.
I try to drag another breath through my lungs, but the shallow breaths I manage never seem to reach deep enough.
Oh hell. I know what this is.
My heart races, and my blood pounds against my ear.
I walk into the alley to find some solitude, leaning against the brick wall.
Sweat beads my forehead. I inhale, but again minimal air finds its way to my lungs. I slide down the length of the wall, pulling my knees tight against my chest.
A broad figure strolls across the alley, and I manage a fragile, “here” with the last of my reserves.
Liam peeks his head around the building. “Evie?” he whispers.
I don’t say anything.
“Why am I always finding you in alleys?” He laughs, but his face falls when my stare meets his. “Hey, hey, what’s going on?”
I can’t respond. My brain’s frozen in the grip of a pair of talons. They rip through every damning thought I’ve ever had, leaving only carnage in their wake.
I can’t have sex without it hurting. Who knows about babies. And there’s always a fucking pain.
He crouches down on the balls of his feet, a harsh worried line forming between his brows. “Peaches?” Anguish is washed in his gaze, and great, I can add causing Liam distress to theReasons I’m Craplist.
“Fine,” I manage after what feels like a few minutes. “Panic attack.”
Uttering those words takes everything out of me, and I keep trying to breathe through the moment using the grounding technique. Liam’s hand falls to my knee. It’s warm and firm, and the grip is strong. There’s a Red Sox game on not too far away at an outside bar, and the groan at the hard thwack that just happened probably means the visiting team hit a home run.
I take another breath. This time it’s a bit easier to draw up air. That’s a good sign I’m on the backside.
Liam comes to a full sitting position on the ground, wrapping his legs around me and pulling me into his chest. “These sometimes happen at this time of the month. It’s okay.” I finally manage a whole sentence. My head is swollen with fatigue, my limbs lifeless like I burnt through all my energy reserves.
“It doesn’t have to be okay. That looked like it sucked.”
“I just didn’t want to freak you out.”
“Stop worrying about me when stuff like that happens.” He trails a finger down my arm. “Did anything happen to set this off?”
I could tell him that I talked to Kylie and got jealous because she could do something with him I never could. And there’s a huge part of me screaming he’d be happier with someone like her, where the earth-shattering things get to stay that way. Someone where everything is uncomplicated and less messy.
But I don’t. Because I’m tired, and we’re also in a dirty alley, it’s hot, and I just want to go home.
“No particular reason, but can you take me home?”
