The question shocked her into silence. This wasn’t about her. Why did no one else see what she did? Why was everyone just okay thinking that because Alawani had accepted the call, that was what he truly wanted? She couldn’t believe that. No one wanted to die.
‘He’d do this for you. He’d never give up on you. He never did,’ she scowled.
Kyà’s eyes narrowed. She’d hurt his feelings, but she was right. The arena would have chewed up and spat out the lanky boy with lofty dreams of being a royal guard like his brother if Alawani hadn’t protected him when he needed it most.
Finally, Kyà let out a deep breath. ‘I don’t know that I can help you with this, knowing if you get caught, they’ll burn you alive.’
‘They won’t catch me. Will you help me or not?’
Kyà’s eyes reddened, and he held her hand in his, quiet for a moment, then closed his eyes and nodded. ‘I’ll get my bags.’
L’?r? watched as he walked back to the others and felt a pang of guilt in her stomach. She’d never felt anything for Kyà in the way he wanted her to. Even when she could feel his breath on her, though she felt something within her flutter in her stomach, it never quite reached her heart. She’d decided a long time ago that she’d never ask anything of him. But now she needed him to help save the one she truly loved.
‘Ahem, hhem.’
It was only the briefest rasp, but L’?r?’s heart sank like a stone dropped in water. She turned to find herself looking into the eyes of her commander. L’?r? eyed Command’s intimidating military uniform and the golden collar around her neck which bore the insignia of the royal house of Oru. The dust-coloured loose-fitting ensemble was firmly secure beneath the hard curves of the chest plate which coveredher chest and torso like an armour made of tortoise shells. A glance at the strategically placed weapons, from the spiked gauntlets to the gold rings on each finger, made L’?r? regret every step that had brought her to the arena today. She tried to explain herself, but the woman’s raised eyebrows made the words choke in her throat. Just by being there, she’d broken her trust.
Command’s gaze often made L’?r? want to shrink, and after many years of seeing the tall and imposing frame of the woman behind the dead-eyed stare that her commander was famous for, L’?r? had learned to stand up tall in her presence. But at that moment, she could hardly meet her eyes.
‘Look at me,’ Command said softly, her narrow dark eyes piercing into L’?r?’s.
L’?r? saw the vein in Command’s temples bulge, and she took a slow step back. Command closed the space between them, and the cowries in her hair smashed against each other, reminding L’?r? of the dozens of people that had fallen to her commander’s fury. Before L’?r? was a woman who’d seen many battles and spent many years fighting the sand raiders that threatened the outer walls of Oru and returned whole without a single scar. Nothing on Command’s body told of her fighting days other than the cowries that clung tight to her long greying locs. A woman of honour. A woman who was now likely to die at the hand of the Order for helping the coward’s daughter, all because L’?r? couldn’t keep her promise of staying away when the sun was in the sky.
Command eyed the sunlight streaming into the pit and when her eyes landed back on L’?r? again, they were red and full of fury. ‘Why are you here?’ she said, her voice a low husk that carried the tone of threat with every word.
L’?r? didn’t know what to say. She bent her knees to curtsy but didn’t realize how fast she’d fallen until her knees crashedto the ground. She clenched her teeth to hide the pain and kept her gaze fixed on the stones.
‘Look at me when I’m talking to you!’
L’?r?’s head shot up, and she slowly rose to her feet, her shoulders still hunched before the terrifying image of her furious commander. ‘I came to see –’
‘Are those tears?’ Command seethed, and L’?r? begged the ground to swallow her whole. ‘In my arena? L’?r?? So, this is about the prince, then. You came here to mourn?’ Her face twisted as though the words left a bitter taste in her mouth.
‘He’s not dead yet,’ L’?r? retorted, more loudly than she would have liked, which made Command raise her eyebrows even higher.
‘I warned you when you joined yourself to his hip like a twin that your paths were not to be merged. You did not listen. He has chosen his path, and the gods will decide his fate,’ Command said. After a brief pause, watching L’?r? struggle to find her next words, she continued, ‘But I trained that boy. I know his strength. He’s nothing without his agbára. He won’t survive the journey to the sun. So, I ask again, why areyousneaking around my arena in the middle of the godsdamned day?’
L’?r? stared at her, matching her stern glance but remaining silent.
Command scoffed, ‘You come in here with red eyes and puffy cheeks like a widow in mourning. Crying for a boy and risking everything we’ve worked to achieve? You mock your training and insult me with this nonsense. You break your word. I trained you to be a warrior – a champion. When the gods call for Ogun, and you enter this arena to claim victory, will you cry for your opponent then, or will you burn them to ash?’
Tension filled the air, and the faces watching from theedge of the ring seemed to know what she was thinking. She found Kyà’s face, and he slowly shook his head, telling her no. She’s baiting for a fight. Don’t fall for it.
‘I raised you, L’?r?. Here. In these very pits,’ Command said quietly so only she could hear. ‘I risked everything for you. Your father begged, cried, blackmailed – everything he could think of. His desperation was pitiful. Yet I agreed. I risked my life for you. Every time you came here in the dark of night was another night I could’ve been hanged for helping the coward and his daughter.’ She looked around the arena, surveying the clusters of trainees already throwing glances and whispering. No doubt wondering why Command hadn’t thrown L’?r? out of her arena at first sight, as was the law. Her eyes returned to L’?r?, cold and piercing; she leaned in even closer and whispered in a gritty tone, ‘What do you think they’ll tell their parents when they get home today? How long before the Lord Regent hears that I trained you to join his guard?’
Her words cut deep, and L’?r? felt tears sting the back of her eyes, but she dared not let them fall. She’d broken her word and put her commander’s life in danger. The law forbade people in the kingdom from helping her family. No aid, no food, no mercy. Nothing. And not even Command’s station as part of the royal court or a commander in the royal army could keep her from death if the Order found out.
Every few blood moons, the trainees in the kingdom fought for a spot on the royal guard – a status envied by all not of royal blood. And if L’?r? won, she would force the kingdom to recognize her as the winner of Ogun and elevate her to the prestigious position of royal guard, even though she was the daughter of a coward. Helping her to achieve this, Command had become the closest thing to a motherL’?r? ever had. Over the years, she’d cleaned up every wound, bandaged every cut, set every broken bone – even the ones she’d broken herself as they trained together. Most of all, she’d given L’?r? hope when she needed it the most.
‘I’m sorry,’ L’?r? whispered, unable to keep the tears in. Her hands crept to her chest, and she rubbed against the pendant on her necklace, trying to keep her heart from bursting out of her.
‘Don’t come back here. Ever again.’
L’?r?’s lips trembled as she shook her head. She tried to reach out to her, but Command slapped her hand off. ‘I never want to see you again, L’?r?.’
L’?r?’s vision grew hazy with tears. All she heard was the sound of Command’s cowries knocking against each other as she stormed out of the arena. With every step, she took all hope of L’?r? ever shedding the name coward. And once again, in her mind’s eye, L’?r? stood between her cracked pillars, as a storm raged on around her. She looked up at the ceiling, and it cracked and burst, raining down sharp shards of stone and sand.
Kyà rushed to her side. ‘I’ll take you home.’
