“Yeah… you are.”
I pulled out of him slowly, and Jonah laughed softly as I rolled him over to watch my cum leak out of him, the sight of it next to my name something I always took the opportunity to enjoy.
“You gonna untie me now?” he groaned softly. I laughed as I reached up to gently pry his fingers out of the fists they formed, so that when he finally let go of the belt, it was because I’d made him do it and not because he’d let it go. Even completely fucked out my rabbit was still so stubborn.
I smoothed my thumb over the gauze bandages on his injured fingers. “Are you hurt?”
Jonah rolled onto his back. “I promise I’m fine. You can carry me to the shower, though.”
“Anything for you, baby.”
When we were cleaned up and I’d changed the sheets again, we found ourselves right back where we had started, naked and tangled in each other’s arms in bed.
Showering had lost us some of the calm we’d felt before, the need to protect Jonah’s bandages and injuries from getting wet a reminder of what he’d done, and I knew he regretted it. I never wanted him to be hurt, but I didn’t hold it against him. If the urge to inflict pain on himself was something he had to deal with, then it was something we would deal with together.
“We need to talk about it, baby,” I told him, nuzzling into the warmth of his neck as he stiffened.
“I know, I just… I’m sorry.”
“I know you are, Rabbit. I’m not mad at you. I just want to know how to help you.”
“I don’t know right now.”
I nodded, kissing the soft skin where my lips rested against him. “Okay. That’s okay. We’ll work it out together.” I meant it, but there was more. More I could say. More parts of myself I could show him. Jonah wanted all of me. He’d said so. He didn’t just want me when I was strong, when I was good. “I understand it. Sometimes, when my mind is too loud, when I feel restless, I want pain too, just… differently.”
Jonah was quiet, waiting to see if I had more to say. When I didn’t, he spoke again. “That’s why you fight?”
“Sometimes.”
“Does it feel better afterward?”
My fingers traced slow patterns over his stomach. “Not really. It feels like it will before I do it, but after it just feels…” I searched for the word, but Jonah found it for me.
“Numb?”
“Yeah.”
He nodded, shifting around in my arms so that he could press his lips softly against mine. “Will you tell me when you feel like that?”
“I will, Rabbit. I promise.” I chased his lips again. “And you’ll tell me when you feel like hurting yourself too?” I asked when we parted, never moving more than an inch away from each other. I wanted to breathe in his exhales, to share even oxygen.
“I will. I promise,” he whispered, and I believed him.
Then he was chasing my lips again. Kiss after kiss. But it wasn’t any deeper than that, both of us far too exhausted for another round. It was kissing so we had another place to touch, intimate and lazy, with no goal other than because we could. Because not doing it just wasn’t an option.
I wanted to just exist here, with him in my arms and with me in his. I wanted the world to fuck off and leave us alone. I knew it then, that despite everything happening with the Strays, despite the conversations I’d had with Henrik, and the conflict Jonah was now directly involved in, I only wanted this. Everything else was a distraction. I still cared for the Strays, and they needed me, but what I needed was here. It was him. Only him.
“Jonah—”
Bang bang bang bang bang
The front door rattled as it was beaten with heavy hands. Jonah’s pupils constricted as I looked into them. His face paled as he scrambled to sit up and I did the same.
“Shhh, it’s okay.” I spoke softly, though even I wasn’t sure who the fuck could be knocking on my front door so urgently. Theworst option immediately came to mind, only she wouldn’t have knocked. Unless she lost her keys? She had been gone for a while. My gut twisted. Panic that was reserved just for her rose up from the depths of me. “Get dressed, baby. Quietly.”
Bang bang bang bang
Jonah did as I asked, both of us creeping around my bedroom like we were the intruders in our home. Because Jonah had made this place feel like home again rather than just the house I lived in. If she was back, though, everything was about to change.
