“You haven’t told me shit. Not who you were talking to, not where you’re going, and certainly not fucking why.”
Dex grunted instead of responding. He grabbed his jacket from the top of the clothes pile we’d left before stumbling into bed hours ago, and slipped it on.
“I’m coming with you,” I told him, crossing my arms over my chest.
“No. You aren’t.”
“Yes, I am. Unless you can tell me what’s actually going on. Why are you keeping secrets from me?”
He sighed and crossed the room toward me. Large warm hands cupped my arms just below my shoulders, gentle for a moment before I shrugged him off and took a step back. I glared at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain.
“I’m not keeping any ofmysecrets from you, Rabbit. Ask me anything about me, and I’ll tell you. But this isn’t my secret, and I don’t even know the details yet, okay?” His voice was soft when he spoke to me, and I hated that more. I wished it wasn’t. I’d rather he yell at me if he wasn’t going to tell me what I wanted to know. At least then it would feel like a fight and not me one-sidedly losing my shit. “I’ll be back in a few hours. So wh—”
“Don’t go.”
He sighed and stepped closer to me, reaching for me again. “I have to.”
Like before, I shrugged him off, his arms dropping as my fists clenched in rage. I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just tell me what the fuck was going on. Why couldn’t I come too? And most importantly, who the fuck was little Snake Prince?
“If you leave now, don’t bother coming back.”
Dex’s jaw clenched. “I live here, Jonah. If you don’t want to see me, you’re the one who has to leave.”
There was rage in my veins instead of blood. I didn’t fucking want him to go anywhere if it wasn’t with me. I didn’t want him to know people I didn’t know. I didn’t want anyone to need him. Because I needed all of him. He was mine. Every part. Mine. “Don’t go.”
“Get some sleep, Rabbit. I’ll be back before you wake up.”
Dex reached for me again, but this time instead of shrugging him off, I shoved at him.
Before I gained any distance between us, his own larger hands were wrapped around my wrists and he used the hold to yank me forward, causing me to stumble and fall right into his firm chest. His shirt smelled of cheap detergent, andhim, and I hated how much just the scent of him calmed me down. His arms were wrapped around my shoulders before I could pull away, and he held me close as he dropped a firm kiss to the top of my head. “I won’t be long,” he repeated. “I’d like it if you were still here when I got back.”
“I won’t be.” I pulled away, turning my back to him as he sighed and collected his keys, wallet, and lighter. He left without saying anything else. I listened to the sound of him walking down the stairs, the shuffle of him putting his boots on, and then the door closing. His bike started up and sped off.
My eyes burned. Rage pulsed through me, looking for a destination. Looking for destruction. He’d seen what had happened to me yesterday when he left me alone. He’d seen that, and he still left now. Granted, he hadn’t lied to me this time first, but he hadn’t exactly told me the truth about what he was doing either.
Part of me wanted to go after him, to take the car he’d given me and follow him to see what it was he was really doing, who the fuck little Snake Prince was. It wasn’t just him. He’d had another phone call before—“little Cupid, my favorite stray.” Who the fuck were these people? Why did they need him? Why did heletthem need him? Were they really just friends, or had he fucked them before too? Did they know him like I knew him?
I screamed, grabbing the lamp from beside me and hurling it across the room. It crashed, and for a brief moment I felt better, the sound echoing something inside me as it shattered, but then it was gone and I felt worse.
Why did he need other people? Why couldn’t it just be me? What happened if shit hit the fan? If the police somehow foundout it was me and Henrik at that crime scene? Would he really run away with me? Or would he stay and protect his precious Strays? Maybe they meant more to him than I did. If it came down to it, and he had to choose between them and me, would he really choose me?
Fuck him. I’d been serious. He didn’t believe me, obviously, but I was. I wasn’t going to be here just waiting around for him to get back.
forty
Jonah - Past
FRESH WOUNDS OVER OLD SCARS.
I waited around for him to get back.
Of course I did. Where else would I have gone? I considered waking up Becca, but I didn’t want to explain what had happened, and there was nothing I wanted less than to go back to Dad’s. That left me with going to the diner, maybe, or the beach.
I’d thought about it. I’d even got dressed at one point and made it as far as the car before stalling, because what if he was in danger? What if he came home again like the last time he’d been called away from me, bloody and beaten. Who would take care of him if I wasn’t here?
He’d lied to me. Shocker. Even if Ihadgone to sleep, he wouldn’t have been back before I woke up. It was just after ten in the morning, and he still wasn’t back. I paced back and forth in front of the door as if waiting here would bring him home faster.
I cycled between panicked, enraged, and this other feeling from deeper inside me I didn’t know how to name. It was both, and it was more. Bigger. Heavier. It sat uncomfortably in my gut, clawing up the inside of my rib cage and threatening to spill free until I swallowed it back down. Because it felt like darkness. Like destruction.
