It was snarky; unnecessarily so. But I didn’t care. And he had no right to go behind my back. Still seething, an urge to get out of the house filled me. After pulling on a jacket and boots, I headed for the only place I could think of, my phone in my pocket pinging with more messages I ignored; as I walked, trying to clear my head. But it was impossible.
The woods were misty that morning, the silver birches ethereal and ghostly, the air damp and still. As I picked my way around the muddiest parts of the path, there was another ping from my phone, I ignored. Only when I reached the platform at Selham railway station, did I take my phone out of my pocket, then bring up Gareth’s texts.
Gareth
Tilly, I’m sorry, but we do need to talk about the house. I need to buy somewhere – quickly.
The subtext didn’t pass me by; thatquicklymeant before Olivia’s baby arrived. I made a note to self to find out when that was – he hadn’t told me. I moved on to his next message.
Gareth
I hope it doesn’t inconvenience you too much. Let me know when you’ve found somewhere to move to.
I stared at it.How dare he?As far as inconvenience went, a forced move was right up there. And houses didn’t sell overnight. Presumably, he’d rather it sat empty than I carried on living in it. But this wasn’t solely up to him. I read the next message.
Gareth
I don’t want to make this any harder than it already is. I was thinking maybe you could stay at your dad’s for a while. Ease the transition, as it were. And at least you wouldn’t be alone.
My blood boiled. Stay at Dad’s? Where the fuck had that come from? Had he observed my relationship with my father in any detail whatsoever, or was he blind?
Gareth
Even if you don’t, we need to get it valued. Then after, we can talk about when to put it on the market.
I stared across the platform at the brambles, at the sodden piles of fallen leaves, my brain seeming to freeze. Suddenly this place I loved, that felt removed from my everyday life, no longer held the same allure for me. But there wasn’t anywhere I wanted to be, while the thought of doing anything even remotely related to selling the house felt as daunting as moving a mountain.
A burst of birdsong made me turn my head and I took in the blackbird watching me from a nearby tree.
‘It’s all right for you,’ I told it. ‘With your simple life and your little feathered nest, while mine happens to be empty…’ A tear rolled down my face.
The bird chirruped more loudly at me. Then, squawking, flew away, leaving me sitting there, wishing I could do the same. And for the first time I was thinking I actually would fly far away from here. But the problem was, I had no wings.
* * *
When I got home, I called Elena. ‘Gareth sent an estate agent around – to value the house. Without telling me. Can you believe it? I’m fuming, El. How dare he?’
‘How dare he indeed. Bastard.’ Elena sounded as furious as I felt.
‘He says we need to sell the house quickly – presumably before Olivia has the baby,’ I said bitterly.
‘Then let him.’ Elena paused. ‘You know what? At least you won’t have to handle that side of things.’
But the reality of selling was starting to hit. ‘What about all our stuff?’
‘You start sorting it. You don’t have to panic. Take one drawer at a time – just like you’re taking one day at a time. The house won’t sell overnight. You have time, Tills.’
But after I ended the call, it didn’t feel like that. My emotional roller coaster was taking a dive – into the abyss. And for the life of me, I couldn’t see a way out of it.
* * *
The following day, I felt no better. In my ancient jogging bottoms and shapeless jumper, my hair was all over the place and for the second day running, I hadn’t showered. Suddenly in need of a friendly voice, I called Elena. But it went straight to voicemail. A few seconds after hanging up, my phone pinged with a text.
Elena
Hey Tills. Sorry, at a parents’ thing at school. I’ll call you later when I’m home.
Despair welled up inside me. That morning, my inner Bridget Jones was nowhere to be seen. I picked up my phone again and this time I called Tallulah.
