‘I see.’ PC Page writes it down. ‘Do you have details of the order?’
‘Yes, of course.’ But as she speaks, I feel myself frown. It’s almost as though she doesn’t believe me. ‘There was an email.’I pick up my phone. Scrolling through my inbox, I show it to her.
*
After she leaves, I slump on the sofa. For a couple of hours I don’t move. Going over what the police have told me, then PC Page’s questions, the level of Matt’s deception has devastated me. Staring blankly ahead at the large clock on the kitchen wall, with each slow tick of the second hand I think about cancelling the wedding. The dress I’ll never wear, the bouquet I’ll never make. The vows that will remain unspoken. The guests I’ll have to tell, wondering if any of them have an inkling of what Matt’s capable of.
Lower than I’ve ever felt, it would be so easy, right now, to just give up. There are sleeping pills, upstairs, in the bathroom. It would be the end of all my problems, to drift quietly away and never wake up. But as I contemplate it, my eyes lock onto the photo of Jess and me together, taking in her long hair, the laughter in her eyes, and in that moment, I know I couldn’t do this to her.
Shaken by how close I’ve come, suddenly I’m desperate to talk to Sonia, my therapist. Picking up my phone, I find her number. But as I start to call her, I hesitate. Facing up to how I’m feeling will take a strength that right now, I don’t have.But I can’t go on like this.Thinking of Jess again, I make the call.
Sonia sounds slightly surprised as she answers straight away. ‘Amy, how are you?’
My hands are clammy as I grip my phone. I’d assumed she’d be seeing a client. That I’d be leaving a voicemail – but instead, I have to explain. ‘Not good.’ Hesitant, I break off. ‘Something’s happened. I’m not coping.’ My voice is shaky.
‘Let me get my diary.’ But the familiar sound of her voiceisn’t as reassuring as I’d hoped it would be. After making an appointment to see her tomorrow, I lie back on my sofa, darkness settling over me, my consciousness starting to drift. Unaware of time passing, I’ve no idea how long I’ve been there, only that the kitchen is dark when I register a knock on the front door, before a voice calls out.
‘Amy? Are you in there?’
Confused, I get up. There’s no mistaking Sonia’s voice. When I thought I was seeing her tomorrow, why is she here? Getting up, I go to open the door. In a green velvet coat, her fair hair is tucked into the upturned collar, her eyes concerned as she looks at me. ‘I hope this isn’t a bad time? After your call, I was worried about you. Then one of my clients cancelled, so I thought I’d call you, but you didn’t pick up. Can I come in?’
I hadn’t heard my phone ring. Standing back, I let her in, watching as she closes the door, taking in the knitted dress under her coat, mushroom-coloured boots; the sheen of moisture on her skin left by the fog.
Her face is still anxious as she follows me through to the kitchen, where I go to put the kettle on, aware of Sonia watching me. ‘I knew you wouldn’t have called me without good reason.’ She pauses. ‘Why don’t you come and sit down? Then you can tell me what’s been going on.’
Pulling out a chair, then sitting heavily at the table, I stare at my hands, trying to stop them shaking, working out where to start. ‘I was supposed to be getting married.’ My voice is flat. ‘But two days ago, he disappeared. I found out last night from the police that he’s been seeing another woman. She told the police he was going to leave me for her.’ As my voice breaks, I’m aware of tears pouring down my face.
‘You had no idea?’ She sounds shocked. ‘Are the police sure about this other woman?’
‘That’s the thing.’ As I look at her, Sonia’s face is blurred, my words sticking in my throat. ‘For some reason, they believe her over me. They won’t even tell me who she is. And it was me he was going to marry.’
‘Oh Amy …’ Her voice is full of sympathy. ‘You must be reeling with so many emotions – shock, grief, sadness …’ She pauses for a moment. ‘But right now, whatever else is going on, whatever he has or hasn’t done, your first priority is to look after you.’
Hunched, I shake my head. ‘I should have known. Aren’t women supposed to have a sixth sense about these things? I feel so stupid, Sonia. I hadn’t a clue.’
She looks outraged. ‘It isn’t you who’s stupid. Of course you’re hurting. And however badly he’s behaved, you’re grieving. You’ve not only lost him, you’ve lost the future you were planning.’ She pauses. ‘It must be triggering old memories of when Dominic left, too. Do you have any idea where your fiancé might be?’
‘I don’t.’ My words echo in the silence. ‘No-one does. The police are investigating. Our wedding was supposed to be next week. My dress is upstairs. We’d even written our own vows.’ There’s desperation in my voice. ‘All that planning … and now I have to cancel it.’ As I say the words out loud, my body starts to shake.
Sonia’s silent for a moment. ‘Have you had anything to eat?’
I shake my head. ‘I’m not hungry.’
She speaks gently. ‘Why don’t I make us a pot of tea?’
I think about explaining how I’d rather be on my own, then because her voice is kind and I feel so desperately alone, more tears stream down my face. Embarrassed, I try to wipe them away, apologising. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You really have nothing to be sorry about.’ As her hand touches my arm, I know she understands.
*
Sitting at the kitchen table, I watch while she makes two mugs of tea, then puts together a sandwich I have no appetite for, before she sits down across the table from me.
‘You’re dealing with a lot, Amy. And right now, you’re feeling the added shock of finding out that Matt has not only lied, he’s betrayed you.’
‘That’s the worst of it.’ I stare at my mug. ‘I don’t understand how he could do that to me … And I hate that everyone knows.’
‘It’s possible he hadn’t told you because he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you. However it started with this other woman, maybe it got out of control. Obviously, I don’t know him but plenty of men cheat because they can.’ She speaks carefully. ‘I mean, imagine what it does to your ego to know that you have two women in your life. Two women who both want to be with you.’ She pauses for a moment. ‘I hope you don’t mind me asking, but can I ask you about your relationship? Did you honestly believe everything was right between you?’
