ALLIE
I stare at Noah across the table for several seconds before announcing, “I’m going to adopt a baby.”
He doesn’t look as surprised as he does confused. “When?”
“I’m not sure,” I tell him. “Not today and maybe not even next year, but with all this talk about Margie putting her baby up for adoption, I realize adoption is the perfect solution for my particular problem.”
Noah nearly chokes as he asks, “You’re going to adopt Margie’s baby?”
“No.” I shake my head and tell him, “Margie doesn’t want to put her baby up for adoption. She just needs to figure out how she’s going to raise it on her own.”
Tina stops by the table and puts our food in front of us. “Happy eating.”
As she walks away, Noah pops an onion ring in his mouth and chews it thoughtfully. Then he says, “I’ve never considered adopting before.”
“That’s probably because you’ll have a family the old-fashioned way. With your wife.” A bolt of sadness slams into my chestso hard I nearly cry out from the pain of it. Noah is going to get married and he’s going to have a family the same way I thought it would happen for me. Which makes it clear there’s no chance he and I could ever wind up together.
Without confirming my prediction for his future, he asks, “Are you planning to get married first?”
“Probably not,” I tell him truthfully. “In fact, I’m not sure I’ll ever get married again.” As I say the words, I realize how likely that scenario is. Brett took a lot from me, but the biggest theft was that of trust. He taught me that love can’t conquer all, and that all relationships have a breaking point.
Cutting right to the heart of it, Noah asks, “And you don’t think your parents will take the news well, huh?”
A burst of nervous laughter erupts out of me. “My mother will do her best to talk me out of it and try to convince me that I can’t possibly be a parent on my own.”
“And your dad?” he asks.
“He’ll say all the right things and be supportive, but I know my becoming a single parent isn’t his vision for me.”
Noah stares at his food without touching it for so long I ask, “Did I make you lose your appetite?” This was probably the last thing he thought we’d be discussing tonight.
He lifts his gaze until he’s looking me straight in the eye. “No. It’s just … what I mean is … you must be planning to stay in Elk Lake if you’re going to adopt a baby. You’ll want to be near your parents.”
“To be honest, I haven’t gotten that far in my thinking. I just decided today that I’m going to investigate adoption. I’ll be here at least long enough to do that.”
Noah doesn’t seem like himself right now. I can’t tell if he’s surprised or disappointed by our conversation. But it’s not like what I do with my life is going to affect him at all.
“What about you?” I ask. “Are you planning on staying in Elk Lake?”
He shakes his head slowly. “I want to go back to Chicago. If Ican’t get my old coaching job back, I’d like to work at a similarly ranked high school.” He pauses before explaining, “I’m a good coach, and I want the glory that goes along with that.”
“Which you’ll never get here.” I feel inexplicably empty at the thought of him leaving.
“No, but as long as I am here, I want to do some good for these guys.”
“How soon are you thinking of going back to the city?” I ask.
I shouldn’t be surprised that Noah doesn’t want to live here. I mean heck, I never thought I’d be back in Elk Lake. But he’s right, if I adopt a baby, I’m going to want to be close to my parents. Even though they’re probably not going to like how I become a mother, neither of them will be able to keep their hands off their first grandchild. And even though we have our differences, I know they’ll fall into line like a couple of softies.
“I plan to stay for the school year,” he says. Which is quickly followed by, “But at this point I can’t see staying longer than that.”
The air around us suddenly feels heavy like an impending storm is hovering. Noah and I both have plans, and they’re polar opposite from each other. I feel compelled to tell him, “I’m glad our paths have crossed again, Noah. It’s nice that I can consider you one of my friends.”
The rest of our meal is spent in relative silence. Noah and I are obviously both distracted by images of our own paths. For me, those thoughts include feeling a sense of freedom to have finally come up with a plan for making my dreams come true. I’ve been preaching to Margie about not giving up on hers, but that’s exactly what I’ve done.
When Tina drops our check, I pull my wallet out of my purse. Noah waves his hand and says, “This is on me, remember?”
“You’re paying for Margie, not me,” I remind him.
