Page 33 of Pity Please


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He interrupts, “Having a pro as head coach brings in more alumni donations.”

“Maybe so, but it isn’t good form to ditch the guy who brought you to the party. In this case, me.”

“You’re right,” he says sounding even more forlorn. “We’re going to stay on top of this new team and if they don’t do well, we’d like to start a petition to bring you back. I was charged with calling you to see if you would be on board with that.”

I inwardly cheer. This is exactly the kind of thing I hoped would happen, but I don’t want to let Tom know that. So I tell him, “I like Elk Lake.”

“Your team is crap,” he reminds me plainly.

“They’re getting better every day,” I assure him.

“Noah, you belong at Banks. What if we could get the administration to give you more money?”

“That depends on whether I’d be the head coach or not.”

“How about if we get you more money and co-head coach?” he wants to know. “You can’t be making that much in that little burp of a town you’re currently in.”

One thing I don’t miss about coaching at an elite private school in Chicago is the entitled parents that go along with it. “I’m not making what I was in Chicago, Tom, but coaching isn’t all about money. It’s about shaping lives and making a difference.”

“Don’t be naïve, Noah. Life is about money. You can’t getanywhere without it and I’m offering to go to bat to get you more of it.”

A feeling of nausea hits me hard, but even so I don’t want to burn any bridges. “If Banks wants me back, Tom, it’s going to take reinstating my title as head coach as well as doubling my previous salary.”

“Doubling?!” He sounds as shocked as if I’d asked for my own private jet. “How about one and a half times your previous contract?”

“I doubt that would do it, Tom.”

“You’re one tough customer,” he tells me. “Let me see what I can do.”

“You better work fast,” I tell him. “Because I won’t leave once the season starts.”

“We may not be able to get the administration to get onboard until then,” he says. “If our ranking goes down that would feed our cause.”

As much as I want to go back to my old team, I tell him, “I’m not going to leave these guys high and dry.”

“Your new team is nothing, Noah.Nothing.None of them will be offered scholarships. You would be doing them a favor by leaving and not getting their hopes up. Meanwhile, here in Chicago, every player on your team has what it takes. My kid included.”

And that, right there, is Tom’s mission. His son, Troy, is a decent power forward. If he improves this year, he could get a good offer. If he doesn’t, he’ll likely get a division two offer. And there’s no way that would be good enough for Tom.

“You know what it’s going to take, Tom,” I tell him. “Thanks for calling, but I need to go. My first class is starting.”

Tom is not a man used to being dismissed, especially by someone who he views as an employee. But I no longer have to bow and scrape to the likes of him, so I take a small amount of pleasure in making him sweat.

“You’ll be hearing from me, Noah.” He says this like he’s going to send thugs to break my knees if I don’t bend to his will.

“I either will or I won’t,” I tell him. “I appreciate your checking in.” I hang up the phone before he can say anything else.

Coaching at Banks High School was truly my dream job. Even so, the parents could be hard to take. They were all sure their kid was the one who could make or break us, even the kids who warmed the bench. They are not people who are used to thinking they are anything less than the best—which is a sense of entitlement they pass down.

I didn’t let them bother me too much because I had garnered their respect by bringing their team up so high in the ranks. I still had to listen to their opinions and make it look like I was taking their concerns into consideration, but I’d gotten good at that. Right now, however, I do not appreciate the superiority complex of Tom Hanks. I do not work for him and if he and the other parents want me back, it will be on my terms and no one else’s.

I leave my office feeling grumpier than I have in ages. I could live the rest of my life without encountering a snobby North Shore parent. Unfortunately, if I go back to my dream job, I will be inundated by them.

Once I get to the gym, I find my class goofing off. Normally, I’d blow my whistle and get them going on warmups, but for some reason, I don’t. Instead, I watch them for a few minutes, enjoying their carefree antics. I was like this as a kid. I loved fooling around with my friends and flirting with the girls. Life in Elk Lake isn’t as high stakes as it is in Chicago. Which is exactly as it should be while you’re young.

I briefly wonder if I even want to go back to the city. What would happen if I just stayed here? But as soon as I ask the question, I know the answer. I’d probably die of boredom. I’m just biding my time at Elk Lake High, and with a little luck, I’ll be back in the limelight soon.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN