‘What’s wrong with Beth?’ Stuart asks when I come back downstairs.
‘Can we play a game, Mummy?’
‘Sure,’ I reply to Archie. ‘She fell out with a friend,’ I tell Stuart in a low voice.
‘Yesssss.’ Archie fist-pumps the air. ‘I’ll be an astronaut and I’ve just crash-landed on a strange planet.’ Archie throws himself to the floor and skids across the kitchen tiles on his knees.
‘How about Snakes and Ladders?’ I plead, too tired for Archie’s imaginary world today. ‘Unless you think I’ll win?’
‘OK, but I get to be the red counter.’ Archie jumps up and runs to the living room. ‘And it has to be best out of five.’
Stuart says nothing and we spend another evening in a stony silence, broken only by the false jollities we put on for the kids.
Later, when I’ve checked Beth and Archie are asleep, their doors firmly shut, I tiptoe down to thekitchen where Stuart is waiting for me. For once he’s not shying away from the fight we’ve all but had scheduled since three p.m.
‘What the hell were you thinking following Rachel?’ he snaps as though we’re still out on the grass verge and Bradley has just stormed off.
‘I told you. It was a misunderstanding. I tried to talk to her the other day and she wouldn’t listen to me. I was trying again and she got the wrong end of the stick.’
‘What did you want to talk to her about?’
I busy myself with pouring a glass of white wine from the fridge, using the time to get the words straight in my head. ‘It wasn’t just photos of me I found on Matthew Dover’s phone. There were photos of Rachel too. That’s what I was trying to talk to her about. She’s connected to him somehow. At first I thought he was stalking her too, but now I’m not sure what’s going on. I think she might have been having an affair with him. I thought—’
‘Oh, you thought,’ he cuts in, his voice rising. ‘Well, that’s a relief. For a moment I was wondering if you’d lost the ability to think at all.’
‘Calm down, Stuart. You’ll wake the kids.’
‘Me, calm down?’ He rakes a hand through his hair. ‘I’ve found out my own wife is harassing someone and you want me to calm down.’
‘I’m not harassing anyone, and you’re missing the point. He has photos of me and Rachel. There has to be a connection, a reason. And I’m going to find it.’
Stuart swears under his breath. ‘This is a mum at the school, Jenna. Her children are really good friends with our children.’ He slides his glass on to the side with a loud sigh. ‘Jenna, I’m worried about you. You’ve become obsessed with this man.’
Heat fills my body. The furious rage kind of heat. It sweeps right over me, flushing my skin. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. I was only trying to talk to Rachel. She’s the one who’s acting weirdly here. She’s avoiding me, Stuart. Why would she do that if she didn’t have something to hide?’
Stuart closes his eyes for a long moment and rubs a hand across his face. ‘You know what? You’re right when you said it’s affecting Beth. It’s affecting all of us, and I don’t mean the stalking, I mean you. You’re not thinking straight. You’ve had a breakdown, Jenna. I don’t know who you are any more.’ His voice is so sodding calm, as though he’s hammering home the point. I’m the irrational angry woman who is acting insane; he is the level-headed man who is always right.
My fists clench together and hot tears form in my eyes. I brush them away before they can fall. ‘You’ve no idea what I’ve been through. You bury your head in the sand like you always do when you’re faced with something that, heaven forbid, might pop the happy bubble you like to live in.’
‘That’s not fair. I’ve been here for you through everything.’
‘Yes, you have, but the whole time you’ve been telling me to stop worrying, the police will get him, and even this week you’ve been trying to convince me it’s all over and I should get back to normal. It’s not over, Stuart. Nowhere near over. I wish you’d see that. You’ve seen the emails. He’s never going to stop.’ My voice is no longer sharp but quivering. I grit my teeth and gain control of myself.
Neither of us speaks for a moment and all of a sudden the fight leaves me, the anger fizzling out like flat lemonade.
‘Look at yourself, Jenna,’ Stuart says, moving towards me and pulling me into a hug I don’t want. ‘You need help. You’re not sleeping, are you? That’s the problem here. You need to get some sleep. That’s why you’re not yourself.’
I open my mouth to protest, but Stuart continues before I get the chance. ‘Please, Jenna, for us, please stop all this. You’re living on coffee and adrenaline. Can’t you see what this is doing to you and to all of us?’
‘You make it sound like I’ve been deliberately staying awake all night.’
‘Take a sleeping tablet. Get a good night’s sleep and in the morning you’ll feel better. You have to trust the police to do their jobs and stop trying to help, because you’re not, are you?’
I shake my head, freeing more tears from my eyes.
That night, I dig out the sleeping tablets from the back of the bathroom drawer and take one.
‘I love you,’ Stuart says as we climb into bed. ‘I’m doing everything I can to make this marriage work; are you?’
