‘I’m not really interested enough in dancing to have any special preference. They’re all the same to me.’
‘I noticed you doing a slow foxtrot. I could see you dance well.’
‘That was because my partner was very good.’
‘Who was she, your partner? She looked too tall to be Japanese.’
‘She’s the daughter of a wealthy merchant. You’re right, her manner isn’t very Japanese at all, because she was born in America and lived there until she was fifteen. She came to Japan a year before I did. That’s why she doesn’t seem very Japanese. When we first got to know each other, she told me she didn’t really get on with her fellow countrymen, so she was happy to mix with foreigners. Whether she meant it, or whether she was just flattering us, she told me that she liked Thais in particular. She said there was something unusual about Thais, something endearing.’
‘She was judging Thais by you.’
‘That’s not what she said, nor what I’d wish.’
‘Nopporn, you’re a sweet and really lovely boy.’ At these words I felt my heart racing, but before I could reply, she continued, ‘Earlier this evening Chao Khun told me he was very pleased to see that you and I are getting on so well. He said that you were a sweet boy and that he’d been quite right in guessing that I’d like you a lot.’
‘Did he mean it quite sincerely when he said he was pleased? Is it true that he doesn’t mind us being close?’
‘Why do you ask?’ she retorted. ‘What is there to mind about our friendship? And what makes you doubt the sincerity of Chao Khun?’
I was silent for a moment. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me and made me ask such a silly question. I haven’t the slightest reason for doubting his sincerity.’
‘Are you sure?’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati retorted.
I was silent once again, unable to give an immediate answer.
‘What’s the matter with you this evening? You’re not as quick with your answers as usual.’ She patted me gently on the armand we smiled as our eyes met. ‘Are you afraid Chao Khun is jealous of you?’
I was stunned. ‘Why should I be afraid of that?’
‘You haven’t told me whether I guessed correctly or not.’
‘You must be psychic.’
‘How awful,’ she said, laughing. ‘Why should you think Chao Khun is jealous of you? Aren’t you worthy of his complete trust?
‘Isn’t that for you and Chao Khun to answer?’
‘Aren’t your thoughts suitably innocent?’
‘That’s true. I shouldn’t have any fears at all.’
‘That’s right. And since your thoughts are suitably innocent, Chao Khun is not a jealous kind of man.’
‘I’ve known him a long time. He’s a very kind man. That’s why you must love him very much.’
It was Mom Ratchawong Kirati’s turn to be silent. ‘I like him the way children should like a kind old man.’
‘You didn’t say anything about love. I mean love between a husband and wife, between a man and a woman.’
‘You’ve seen what I am and what Chao Khun is. There’s a huge difference in our ages. It’s like a tall mountain acting as a barrier to love between us, preventing our love from meeting.’
‘But love can exist between an old man and a young woman, can’t it?’
‘I don’t believe in love between two such people. I don’t believe it can really exist, unless we tell ourselves it does, and that may be telling ourselves something that is not true.’
‘But you seem happy in your marriage. Yet, according to you, the love you each have can never meet.’
‘If a woman appears contented, oriscontented, that might lead people to think that love can occur between an old man and a young woman. But when a woman is reasonably contented, she tends not to be interested in the problem of love.Whether there’s love or not, as long as she’s happy, what else does she want? That’s the way people live. People believe that love is the mother of happiness. But the way I see it, that’s not always true. Love can bring bitterness and all kinds of terrible things into our lives. But for those who do love, their hearts are engulfed in a wonderful sweetness which lasts for ever. This isn’t something I’ve experienced for myself. I’m speaking from what I believe.’
