Mom Ratchawong Kirati released my grip and gradually pushed me away from her. I did not resist. I had soon turned into a lamb. She leaned back against the tree breathing heavily, as if she were exhausted after a long walk. The pink hue of her face had turned a dark colour, as if she had sunburn.
‘Nopporn, you don’t know what you’ve just done,’ she said, her voice still shaking.
‘I know I love you.’
‘And is it appropriate then, that you should express your love for me in such a way?’
‘I don’t know whether it’s appropriate or not, but love got the better of me. It completely overwhelmed me and robbed me of all common sense.’
Mom Ratchawong Kirati gazed at me with a sad look in her eyes. ‘Do you express your love at times when you’ve lost all common sense? Didn’t you know that there’s nothing you later regret more than the things you do when common sense has deserted you?’
‘But I know for sure that I truly love you.’
‘And what meaning is there in expressing love when you’ve lost all common sense?’
‘I really love you, with my heart and soul. What I did will remain imprinted upon my heart.’
‘And do you think it will be profitable for your life if it’s imprinted upon your heart?’
‘In love, do we still think of capital and profit?’
‘You might not, and I might not. But love might think of us in such terms. Haven’t you ever thought,’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati continued, ‘of the position I’m in and the position you’re in?’
‘I’ve thought of it a great deal.’
‘And yet you still behave the way you did towards me a moment ago. Don’t you realize, you acted quite unreasonably and, as you yourself admit, thoughtlessly?’
I stood crestfallen, my arms folded. ‘I feel absolutely terrible. I don’t know what to say to redeem myself. All I know for sure is that I was overcome by love. Even though it’s true that what I did was wrong, I’m subject to the laws of nature. I tried to escape them, but when I came face to face with love, I couldn’t. I was forced into a corner. I beg you, please don’t bring reason into it, and please don’t bring morality into it, either. I have no answer.These were all set up after the laws of nature, and we’re all subject to those laws of nature.’
‘Nopporn, if the two of us were to spend the rest of our lives on the top of Mount Mitake, then everything you said would be correct. But in reality, in a moment we’ll go down this mountain and face other people. And before long, you’ll have to go back to your studies and all your ambitious plans for the future. As for me, it’s my duty to be loyal to Chao Khun, to follow him wherever he goes, to look after him and wait upon him like a good wife, as long as he still wants me and as long as he doesn’t neglect his own responsibilities. You and I will soon have to part, and each of us will have to mix in society, which is strict on matters of reason and morality. So how is it you can want me not to bring them up? Do you really believe society would accept the laws of nature which you offer as an excuse? Nopporn, please believe me. You must try to face up to the truth. Truth is the sole judge of our lives. Laws and ideals might be more attractive, but in practice, they’re worthless.’
I felt I was facing a woman who was too rational and intelligent for me to keep up with. She deserved to be some woman from the pages of history, not Mom Ratchawong Kirati, just an ordinary woman of the present. ‘I’m very sorry if I’ve displeased you,’ I said quietly. There was nothing else I could say.
‘You upset me.’
‘Please answer just one question. Do you believe I love you?’
‘I believe you.’
‘Are you very cross with me for what I did?’
‘I’ve already told you, you don’t know what you did. Someday you’ll find the answer yourself, and you’ll feel sorry.’
‘Do you hate me now?’
‘If you don’t refer to what happened today again, I’ll feel that you’re still the same old Nopporn, and will be, all my life.’
‘And I may still love you with all my heart and soul?’
‘That is your right. But as time goes by, you’ll happily relinquish that right of your own accord.’
‘I’m certain my love for you will never fade.’
‘At your age, people have great confidence in themselves. But we’ll have to wait and see. I congratulate you on your confidence.’
‘Are my feelings reciprocated?’
Mom Ratchawong Kirati moved closer and stood almost touching me. She put her hands on my shoulders and said, ‘My dear boy, I forgive you. We’ll both forget what happened today. You must go back to being the old Nopporn and be cheerful and happy from now on. Now let’s hurry up and get everything ready to leave. Chao Khun will be concerned if we’re very late back.’
