“I’m always around folks, that’s for sure, never alone…yet always lonely.” He runs a hand in his brown hair.
Does he really feel that way?
“I get it,” I say with a sadder voice than I thought I had in me.
“I know you do,” he answers back, catching me off guard. I lift a brow at him. “You like people around you, princess. You like when there’s noise, music, fucking colors everywhere to fill the void, but at your core, you’re like me.” He rests his elbows on his thighs, piercing through my armor with his frankness.
“We’re different.” My voice falters.
“Nah, but you can keep telling yourself we are if it makes you feel better.” Sighing like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders, he rises from the chair, and steps toward me until he towers over my body. Taking my chin in his hand, he lifts my face until our gazes lock. The air gets thicker.
“The food thing, is it getting better?” he murmurs.
I never like talking about it, it’s embarrassing, and…so personal. I nod slightly because yes, it is a bit easier since hemade me write the list. It’s hard to navigate between the version of him who is an arrogant prick and the softer side of him who takes care of me in a way that makes my heart burst.
“Good. We’ll have to talk about it at some point.” His voice softens as if he’s trying to soothe me. “Get some rest. I’ll call you when dinner's ready,” he orders softly before resting a rough kiss on my forehead.
Dangerous, psychotic, maniac, and yet, he kisses me on the forehead. This man will be the end of me.
It’s in that moment I understand.
That there will be no better night than tonight to escape. Escaping the truth of him sinking his claws into my heart. Escaping the hope of love, comfort, and stability. Running, always running. Because that’s the only thing I know.
I never had a home and I’d have never felt what it’s like to be loved unconditionally if it wasn’t for my sister. All my life I’ve been looking for a shelter, a safe place to be me, to let someone love every beautiful and ugly part of me. My brain has been wired for rejection, judgment, and this…this is too much. I want to stay and run away at the same time. I want to let my heart fall in love with my husband and push him away before he breaks me even more.
I have to run, that’s the only way I can get out of this mess before it’s too late.
Ares
My little tornado is slipping between my fingers. I can fucking sense it like a lion losing track of its prey. Even after eavesdropping on me, acting all jealous, and listening to meopening up for the first time in front of a woman, I noticed her gaze shifting when I let her get in her PJs.
It felt right, talking to her, telling her about how it really was, being at the top. Planning, deciding, always ahead, always alone. I haven’t talked about it with anyone before. Even with my ex, before she decided it was a great fucking move to try to break my club from within, it never felt right. Mia’s different, that’s for sure, but her emotions are written on her face like a book she couldn’t hide even if she wanted to.
Makes things more real, more truthful.
That’s why I saw something was off with her tonight. Yeah, she freaked out with the Carolina thing, which I think I managed to break down and show her I couldn’t give less of a fuck about the woman. But still, there was a spark in her eyes that was missing. It wasn't obvious though, just a flash of sadness and fear, as if she had seen a ghost. It was the same look she had before her episode. If only I could enter her brain and visit every corner of it, I would fucking know what she was thinking.
From what I gathered after her weeks living here, Mia isn’t the kind of girl who keeps things inside. It needs to get out one way or another. Whether it’s with her million hobbies like knitting, reading, drawing, or journaling. Like when she leaves her pink notebook everywhere she goes in the house and the crochet and needle stuff on our bed each night.
She’s creative, and has to express what’s inside her soul to not burst out. I’m the opposite. I keep everything hidden, ordered, locked away, but it doesn’t mean I don’t get her.
I could tell there was a storm happening in her mind tonight. And just ‘cause I’ve lived too many years expecting the worst of people, I just know in my guts she’s going to do something about it. And this time, I doubt it’ll be just a bit of quiet journaling in the living room.
Chapter 12
Mia
I can do this, sure. It’s not like this is my first dumb choice in life. I haven’t said anything to Ares since he came back to the room after dinner. The man had already dug into my heart later that night when he opened up to me, and it felt like I had an insight into a treasure no one had ever seen. Men from this world are always closed off, rough around the edges, just like him. Watching him let his guard down just for me felt like intimacy at its peak. I always thought attraction to the other gender would always be held in the confound of physical appeal, but Ares’s mind is, well, as hot as his Viking looks. There’s nothing comparable to a closed-off person opening up to you. It’s special, precious, and you’d have to be stupid not to cherish it when it comes.
That’s why I need to leave now.
Because this man is setting his roots into my core and I don’t know how to process this. I don’t know how to accept his words, his touch, his care. I never had to receive this in my family. It was always about portraying the perfect little girl for my father, being thin and pretty for my mother, and trying not to go totally insane each time they wanted me to stay put.
Living with them was like wearing a mask on my face each day of my life. It never matched my personality, with the need to be someone who runs wildly under the rain, laughs loudly, and takes up space in any room they enter. Everywhere else, I felt bold, but not with them. Never with them. They always knew where to hit to make it hurt, and with time, I just let themdo it. As long as Kiara was happy, that was all that mattered to me.
Home was never safe for me to be who I wanted to be.
It was like betraying who I really was. Who I really am.
