Last year, a whole crop of new people joined camp and there was this pretty girl from Bombay?4 who took a liking to Patrick. He was oblivious, of course. But I saw her following him everywhere. Standing on the sidelines as he played hockey, cheering him on, flirting with him during meals. He was always so polite and never said anything to her. Until she tried to kiss him at the campfire one night. In front of everyone. I was so angry I didn’t stay long enough to hear his explanation or her excuses. Even in my rage I knew it wasn’t entirely Patrick’s fault. She’d seen us holding hands, she knew he was off limits. But he never once asked her to leave him alone.
“Lotus, come on,” he said, trailing me to the abandoned shed where I hid my contraband romance novels. “You know it meant nothing.”
“I told you to say something before.”
“What would I say?”
I spun around to face him and put my hands on my hips. “That you have a girlfriend and you’re not interested?”
“Oh.”
When I continued my trek, he stayed behind me. Neither of us spoke until we got to the shed and despite my frustration, I let him lock the door behind us. Instead of a novel, I grabbed my sketchbook and tucked myself into the corner. There was a dull bulb in the centre of the room and I used it to finish the lines of the house I’d been drawing before.
“I’m sorry, Tamara.”
“I know. I think everyone knows you’re sorry.”
“Then why are you ignoring me?”
Why indeed? I was angry with him, with her, with the situation. If Patrick and I had more than just the summer together, the world would know he was taken. But we lived in different cities—Chennai for me and Cochin?5 for him—and there was no way we could be together. Other than my cousin, Vera, I didn’t have any friends in school. Partly due to the fact that I was two years older and everyone liked making fun of me for it. None of them knew why I started school late, so the only thing they could do was bully me. I let them. It was easier than trying to make them understand. None of them were orphans and their parents always showed up to PTA meetings. I loved Tessammai and Jakesappapen—Vera’s parents and my guardians—but they weren’t my Amma and Appa.
“Hey, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.” Patrick’s thumb brushed over my cheek and I startled when I felt wetness slide down my face. “Tamara?”
“You love me, right?”
“More than anything.”
I arched an eyebrow as I wiped my face. “Anything?”
“Okay,” he said sheepishly and sat down beside me. “I love you a lot. So much.”
“I love you a lot too. So much.”
He slipped his hand into mine and linked our fingers. I stared at where our palms touched, how even at this age, his hand was so much bigger than mine. His darker skin looked like chocolate against my lighter brown. When I looked up, his amber eyes searched mine.
“Maybe when we finish school we can go to college together. Do you know where you want to go?”
“Never thought about it. You?”
“Anywhere you’re going, Lotus. I’ll go with you.”
I rolled my eyes and he laughed, the sound wrapping around me like my favourite blanket. I leaned against him, head on his shoulder. “I’ll go anywhere with you too, Trick.”
“Good. But right now, maybe we can just stay here for a bit.”
“As long as I can beat her up later.”
He laughed and squeezed my hand. “No violence, please. She knows now and that’s all what matters.”
“Well, if she tries it again I won’t be able to hold myself back.”
“Okay, Rocky,” he said and laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
“I’m sorry, Tamara, there’s nothing more we can do,” Coach Mathan says as she sets the phone back in the cradle.
I slump in my chair and stare out the window. Two weeks without Patrick and still no word. Everyday since I got here, I’ve been harassing the office to find out if he’s okay. They’ve called the numbers in his file and nothing. They assured me he’d probably show up late, but they didn’t seem convinced. Now that we’ve done everything possible to track him down, it’s clear he’s vanished without a trace.
He’s done with me, he’s never coming back. This was his way of not having to keep his promise.
