After what felt like years—more like fourteen hours—Susannah Rebecca Joseph was brought into the world. And like we expected, she came out screaming at the top of her lungs. I’m grateful my brain doesn’t focus on the painful parts or how long I spent breathing, contracting and pushing. It was too much for any one person to go through. Women are truly magic. I am further proof of that now.
When they set our pink and wrinkled bundle in my arms, I felt the most intense wave of emotion wash over me. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I stared at her, watching her squirm and wriggle in the blanket. Did my mother feel this way when she was holding me the first time? Did she feel this all consuming love and not know how to handle it? She’s perfect and a part of me still can’t believe I made her. I trace her tiny fist, then her cheeks and wonder how on earth I got so lucky. For the first time in a really long time, I wish I had my parents with me. To see the woman I’ve become, the mother I will be and to know there’s always going to be a part of them in me.
The nurse asks if we have a name and I nod, eyes still fixed on my baby. Patrick settles beside me as I wipe away my tears, smiling as I think of all the women we want to honour. Susannah for his Ammachi and Rebecca for my mother—to keep them alive in our little girl for the rest of her life. More tears fill my eyes as I imagine our grandparents and my folks sitting in the clouds clinking champagne and being so proud of us.
I fall asleep at some point, and when I open my eyes, my focus is on Patrick. His cheeks are stained with tears as he smiles and mumbles to the bundle in his arms. From this angle, I can see she’s fast asleep, but that doesn’t stop him from telling her everything. He did it every day of the last four months, so it’s no surprise he’s doing it now that she’s here. I get to build a life and family with this incredible man. My heart is so full.
“Trick,” I say softly and he startles at the sound, eyes swinging to me as he grins. “Hi, Daddy.”
“Mama Lotus,” he whispers and carefully stands up, passing Susannah over to me.
I adjust the blanket around her and brush my thumb over her tiny wrinkled forehead. Love, joy, pride and even disbelief fill me up. Despite how large she felt in my belly, she’s so tiny right now, face scrunched up as she snoozes. I know every time I look at her for the next few months, I’m going to be amazed she exists.
I can see so much of myself in her already, but she’s also sporting Patrick’s features. As I stare at her, he raises the top half of my bed so I’m sitting up some more and I sigh happily as she squirms and settles. He sits down, his arm sliding around my shoulders as we stare at her wrinkled forehead.
“That’s a Patrick Joseph special,” I tell him and he chuckles.
“I’m glad she’s got your bottomless cocoa eyes.”
I shake my head. “It’ll change as she grows up, might inherit your golden ones.”
“They’re overrated.”
I nudge him and he kisses the side of my head. “We did it, Trick. We made…her.”
“You did. I contributed one ingredient.”
“A crucial one. But more than that, you were here for me. For us. For your girls.”
He sighs softly. “My girls,” he echoes and I lean against him.
“Have you gotten any sleep?”
“Eh. Maybe a power nap. But it’s fine.”
“Patrick,” I admonish and he squeezes my shoulder.
“The grandmothers already offered to keep an eye on her tomorrow so we can sleep.”
Susannah fusses and I wince. Tilting my head to look at Patrick, I ask, “How did the rest of the party go?”
He chuckles. “Amma and Tessa rushed through the rest of it, opened the buffet. They came over here right away.”
“They abandoned the party?”
“Yup. Elias and Vera too. Everyone’s outside.”
I peer around him, like I can see anything. This room has two walls and the only window is behind my bed. The two doors in front are clearly for the outside and the bathroom. I nod and he kisses my forehead before sliding out of bed. I shift Susannah, careful not to wake her up as he opens the door. Our families appear in the small space, eyes wide and smiles bright.
“Hi,” I whisper and they shuffle inside to stand around the bed. I love how silent they’re all trying to be as they stare at my baby. “This is Susannah Rebecca Joseph, in honour of two very important women in our lives. Baby girl, this is your family.”
I hear sniffles and I blink back tears before turning to my aunt and uncle. When they took me in, heartbroken and sad at six, they could have just raised me as their niece. But they gave me a home and a family, they made me their daughter in every way that mattered. There aren’t enough words for how grateful I am to them, so I only say, “Thank you for everything.” A sob bursts out of Tessammai and she covers her mouth. “Would you like to hold her?”
My aunt nods and I pass her over, my arms already feeling so empty. But Susannah looks right at home with her surrogate grandmother. Jakesapapen whispers something to her that makes my aunt smile and after kissing her forehead, they pass her to Patrick’s parents. I settle against the pillows at my back and Patrick returns to my side.
“Hey, Trick?”
“Yeah, Lo?”
