“Here we go,” I say and tap the edge of the mousepad. A grey circle appears, rotating slowly and then big bold text reading Your application has been submitted fills the screen.
Nihal’s on his feet, the Rocky theme song playing from his phone as he bounces in place. I smile, a laugh bubbling out of me at the same time. Then everything gets muffled. I’m in a vacuum and my ears strain to latch onto sounds. I blink slowly, but my vision is blurry and unfocused. My breaths come out in quick puffs until hands land on my shoulders and everything snaps into place. I swallow hard and look up at my best friend, my face definitely not doing what I want it to.
I push myself to stand and sway, my hands reaching for anything to hold me up. Nihal’s saying something, but the words are unclear. My throat feels dry and my head is heavy. There’s more talking before I’m flat on my back in a dark room, sheets being pulled over me. I blink into the empty space and turn onto my side, curling into myself.
I wake with a start and it takes me a minute to remember where I am; everything comes back in a tinted highlight reel. Talking to Tamara, lunch with Nihal, running through the plays for our next match with the team, final touches with Nihal, submitting our application, then…nothing. I push the covers back and notice I’m naked, my clothes strewn across the floor. With a hard scrub of my face, I use the bathroom, then tug everything back on. My heart isn’t racing anymore and my head feels much lighter. But I still feel the exhaustion in every muscle of my body.
“And he has risen,” Nihal says as I open the door.
With my hair down to my shoulders people often refer to me as Jesus. I prefer Viking, even if Tamara’s the only one who calls me that.
“Thanks for getting me into bed,” I tell him and chug an entire bottle of water.
“Never have to thank me, Pat. Are you feeling better?”
“Death warmed over, really. What did I miss?”
“Nothing. Since we’ve submitted everything, all we can do now is wait.”
I nod and join him on the couch, another bottle of water in hand. Nihal’s watching me closely, waiting for me to say something.
“You should go home, Pat.”
“After the next match.”
He’s still staring at me, but I don’t have anything else to say. I don’t want to show up haggard and worn down. I don’t want Tamara to see me like this either. We’re weeks away from the baby being born and I want to make this as painless as possible for her.
“Does she know?”
I remember that evening making idiyappam while talking about my episodes, how it scared her to the point where I wish I hadn’t said anything. However, talking about it with Tamara was the best decision of my life. She’s seen only one side of it and knows everything else. What I really go through is something I want to spare her as much as possible.
“She knows.”
“You’re going to show her, right?”
“She’s seen it. A part of it anyway.”
“Then I guess it’s a good thing you’re retiring.”
I smile. “Still thinking about it, huh?”
“More and more every day. Nish says she won’t know what to do with me at home all the time.”
We laugh, because that’s probably going to be the hardest thing. At least I’ll have a kid to focus on and while the sports academy will take up a lot of our time, we won’t travel as much as we do now.
Clapping him on the shoulder, I jostle my best friend. “Thank you for being by my side the last fifteen years.”
He rolls his eyes, but I see the emotion in the twitch of his lips. “Someone had to keep an eye on you and fend off the ladies.”
“And you handled the noble task with such grace.”
Nihal snorts and shoves me. “But in all seriousness, I’m proud of you, Pat. And so fucking honoured to have done this together.”
I nod, blinking back tears. I never imagined I’d get so emotional about retiring, but it was my entire life for so long. I’m not sure what every day will look like without it. A year ago, none of this was part of my plan. And now, it’s the only way I know I can move forward with my life.
I thank the driver as he sets my suitcase on the ground and roll my shoulders back. I’m home. After winning our fourth straight match, I hopped on a plane to Chennai. It’s a big week for Tamara and me. If everything goes according to plan, our baby will be here in a month. I’ve been carrying around the 3D scan Dr. Gopalan did where we can see the kid’s face and it’s both weird and comforting at the same time. I tell Tamara the baby looks like her, but she denies it. The scan in two days is to make sure the baby is in the right position and Mama’s doing okay on all fronts.
I let myself into the flat quietly and leave my things at the door. The scent of chocolate floats in the air and I smile. My girl’s been baking again. As I step into the bedroom, the sound of her snoring reaches me first. Then I get a whiff of her honeysuckle perfume, which settles my soul. I peel off my clothes and dump them on the floor before crawling into bed with her.
