‘Are you all right?’
‘Oh, hello, Astrid, I didn’t see you there. Yes, I’m okay.’
‘Something’s upset you.’
I gave her a small smile.
‘Just Marilise. She says that seeing as it’s likely to be her last Christmas, she wants to get everyone lots of presents. I know she’s an old lady, I know what’s coming at some point, but it made me feel so sad.’
To my surprise, Astrid grinned and put an arm around my shoulders, giving me a big squeeze.
‘We all know we won’t have Marilise forever, but would it help if I told you that she’s been saying exactly the same thing for the past ten years? She loves buying presents and has found the perfect excuse.’
I laughed.
‘Thank you, that does make me feel better. And how about you? Are you all right about Philip?’
‘Better than all right. I’m so much happier. I hadn’t realised how much I was burying myself to be with him, and now I know that Nick won’t sell Lyonscroft from under me I’m excited about the idea of buying something smaller someday, something that’s just for India and me – and Firefly, of course.’ She paused, then said, ‘I don’t want to intrude, Laura, but what about you? I know Christmas is a difficult time for you, anyway, and I can see that things haven’t gone smoothly with Nick.’
‘It’s all right,’ I said. ‘I’ve done so much thinking, and I can remember Paulo now in a happier way. As for Nick, watch this space – if only therewassome space, so that we could talk.’
‘If it’s time you need, I was going to suggest that I stay with Marilise, anyway,’ she said. ‘She keeps whispering to me about secrets and surprises, so I think she’d be glad if you were off for the afternoon. Go after lunch.’
I texted Nick, who had been holed up in one of the downstairs rooms all morning, working, and he texted back agreeing that this afternoon would work. I hoped that my plan would, too.
After lunch, Nick, Steve and I piled into my car, along with a flask of hot coffee and a bag of India and Sofia’s cookies. As we drove the hour or so to the spot I had in mind, we mostly shared a comfortable silence, or chatted idly about Christmas and it didn’t feel like long before we were pulling into the pretty village of Mells.
‘There’s a gorgeous walk, with a surprise at the end of it, that Paulo and I used to do,’ I said. ‘This is the perfect weather for it! I love sunny winter days.’
‘It’s something I missed in LA,’ said Nick, as we started out along the bridle path. ‘The locals could never understand it when I wished for a cold day, and even a really bad one, sometimes. They didn’t understand the joys of snuggling up inside while freezing wind and rain lash the windows.’
I laughed.
‘You can have too much of any good thing, I suppose. There have been many English winters when I’ve longed for sunshine, so it works both ways.’
About fifteen minutes later, a gentle sound came to our ears. I had only done this walk once since losing Paulo, too scared of the memories it would stir up, but I found now that I felt nothing but happiness and excitement.
‘Is that water I can hear?’ asked Nick.
‘Yes,’ I replied. ‘That’s what I’ve brought us here to see.’
And in a few moments, we were standing by a small, beautiful waterfall that gushed out over rocks into the river beneath.
‘This is quite something,’ said Nick, who had grabbed Steve and put him on the lead, not wanting a freezing cold, dripping dog to take back in the car. ‘Thank you for bringing me here. Shall we sit for a while and have that coffee?’
‘There’s something I want to do first,’ I said and, taking off my gloves, dipped my hand into my pocket to pull out my necklace, its chain still broken. ‘It’s time to say goodbye. I won’t ever forget Paulo, or stop loving him, but I’m ready to move on.’
Nick gazed at me, a serious look on his face. Even Steve had sat down quietly, perhaps picking up on the solemn atmosphere. I stood up.
‘This was a special place for us, so this is where I wanted to say goodbye properly, and finally.’
I took a step forward and hesitated, looking down at the broken necklace lying in my hand. Paulo had given it to me for my birthday, the first year we were together. I had never had a proper boyfriend before him, and definitely never been given jewellery, so when I unwrapped the small box, then opened it to find the glowing pearl inside, I had cried with joy. I remembered him wiping away my tears and saying, ‘but it was supposed to make you happy!’ and me throwing my arms around him sobbing, ‘it does, it does!’ Then we had both laughed as he helped me put it on, kissing the back of my neck as he did so. I had worn the necklace every day since, until it broke. Letting it go now, rather than having it mended and continuing to wear it, had felt right to me when I had thought of the idea, but standing on the edge of the waterfall, Nick and Steve in quiet sympathy behind me, I wasn’t sure if I could do it. Then I thought about the memories I had allowed to surface in recent weeks and how wonderful it had been to feel both the happiness and the pain that they had brought, because they had made Paulo real again, a much-loved person, but one who must ultimately be let go.
Not giving myself a second longer to think about it, I raised my arm and threw the necklace into the pool where the water bubbled at the bottom of the waterfall. For a moment, I thought I was going to cry, and then peace washed over me and, sitting down again, I spoke.
‘Nick, I want to be with you. I’m not going to train as a maternity nurse.’ I paused and rolled my eyes, amazed that only a few short days ago I had even been considering such a thing. ‘And I’m not going to go and work for Steph – and definitely not Dorothea.’
‘Thank God for that,’ he said, a smile playing around his lips. ‘A change of career is one thing, but you’d have had to take early retirement to get over that job.’
