‘They are. I think.’ Suddenly, the old insecurities came rushing to the surface again. Juliet longed to share her worriesand her words came out in a torrent. ‘It’s just that recently he’s been quite withdrawn, and I feel like I keep saying the wrong thing. He either says he’s fine or that he’s just worried he’s not good enough for me, but at one point it even felt like he was encouraging me to go back to my old boyfriend, who was…who was…’
Adriana reached over and squeezed Juliet’s hand.
‘It’s okay, you don’t have to explain. Martha told me about Toby. She’s usually so discreet, but she really hates him for the way he treated you.’
‘Yes. And I let him,’ said Juliet miserably.
‘It’s more complicated than that, I know,’ replied Adriana. ‘I had a friend who went through something similar. You just have to remember thatnoneof it was your fault. People like that are very clever at getting other people to do what they want, and you werenotto blame.’
Juliet smiled gratefully at Adriana’s fierce expression.
‘Thank you. I do know that really, but it leaves me feeling so vulnerable. If I fell for it once, maybe I’ll fall for it again? I’m clearly not the best judge of these things. Maybe Léo is another master manipulator and he’s gaslighting me, making me feel insecure, in order to control me. Or maybe it’s something else? Maybe he thinks I’m damaged. Weak and stupid for having stayed with Toby so long. Does he want to push me away but doesn’t have the guts to say it himself, so he’s waiting for me to?’
‘I can’t think it could possibly be that. Seeing the two of you together…well, he doesn’t look like a man who wants rid of you.’
‘It doesn’tfeellike that, but what do I know? Or maybe he’s hiding something, and he feels guilty, andthat’swhy he’s acting so hot and cold. Maybe he’s cheating on me – oh Adriana, I hope not.’
‘Jools, I’m so sorry that you’re this upset. All I can say is that from the little I’ve seen of him, and of the two of you together,everything seems perfect. I know people can be very adept at hiding their true self, but Léo just seems so genuine. Like he wears his heart on his sleeve.’
Juliet put down her cup.
‘Yes, he does. That’s a good way of describing him. But something’s not quite right, I know it, and I feel so confused. Then I worry that one shouldn’t really feel this confused.’
‘Why not? Love isn’t always straightforward, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that something’s irreparably wrong. Why don’t you just talk to him?’
The two women looked at each other and burst out laughing.
‘That does seem like a remarkably sensible suggestion,’ said Juliet. ‘I suppose I’ve been too scared of what the answer would be. But it might be better than all this muddle. Oh, I don’t know, maybe it would be safer to be single again.’
‘I’m sure it would,’ replied Adriana, raising an eyebrow, ‘but that’s not what you want, is it?’
Juliet shook her head and felt tears rising in her eyes.
‘No, it’s really, really not.’
‘Then talk to him, darling, have it out. At least then you’ll know.’
Juliet nodded, feeling better for having shared her worries. Yes, she would talk to him, as soon as they got back to Feywood.
But when they arrived home, the first thing they saw was an enormous bouquet of flowers, and a card with Juliet’s name on the envelope.
‘They’re lilies,’ said Juliet, her heart sinking. ‘They’ll be from him.’
‘Do you want me to read the card?’
She sighed deeply.
‘No, I’ll do it. I have to keep confronting it, not hiding behind you or anyone else.’ She ripped open the envelope and read the card, then threw it down on the table.
Lettie, stop torturing me and yourself. You know we belong to each other. Toby.
Léo read it, his face pinched.
‘What do you want to do?’ he asked.
‘I’m going to put my bag away, have a cup of tea, then throw the whole lot in the compost,’ said Juliet. ‘And then we’re both going to forget we ever saw them and remember our lovely weekend away. Okay?’
‘Bon.I will put the kettle on.’
