‘I think she was just trying to push you; she wanted you to fulfil your potential.’
‘She hated my cartoons. Don’t you remember when she came to that exhibition at sixth form college?’
Martha nodded miserably.
‘She swept in, making sure everyone saw the great Lilith Carlisle deigning to attend, then she took one look at my display that I’d spent so many hours on and said, “Ratherderivative, darling, but I suppose the family talent had to skip someone.” Then she wandered over to someone else’s display and spent fifteen minutes raving about his use of light.’
‘Which wasn’t even that good!’ said Martha with uncharacteristic cattiness. ‘If it’s any consolation, he’s working as an estate agent now, after art school threw him out.’
Juliet gave a small smile.
‘Poor guy. At least I’ve always known I didn’t have what it takes for fine art.’
‘Well, I think you’re amazing,’ said Martha stubbornly. ‘And Mum’s gone now.’ She swallowed hard, and Juliet reached out a hand to touch her cheek. ‘She’s gone,’ she repeated. ‘So…what’s stopping you coming home?’
‘Oh, Martha, being here, just sitting here talking to you…it’s making me feel so?—’
‘Vulnerable?’
‘I was going to say ‘uncomfortable’, but yeah, I suppose ‘vulnerable’ is fair, and I reallyhatethat feeling. Five years ago,I had only just managed to move away from here, from Mum, from everyone who had known me my entire life and started to build something new, a differentmein London and then Istupidlygot involved with Toby.’
‘Youweren’tstupid,’ said Martha fiercely. ‘He was an arch manipulator; we all fell for it.’
‘Maybe, but Ifeelstupid,’ said Juliet. ‘And he kept dragging me back to Feywood because he was so starstruck by Mum and Dad, so everything got enmeshed, especially as Mum loved him so much and made it clear that I should count myself lucky he was interested in me. And, of course,’ she added wryly, ‘he never failed to tell me the same thing. If I ever complained about Mum to him, he would remind me how everyone said we were so alike, then shake his head sorrowfully and ask me to reflect on what he had to put up with, being with me. I fell for it for such a long time.’
‘But you got away from him.’ Martha suddenly looked worried. ‘Youhave, haven’t you?’
Juliet nodded.
‘Yes, even if he does still contact me – sending those awful flowers this morning. I don’t know why he doesn’t leave me alone; he was always telling me how difficult I was to be with, how he was doing me afavourby staying with me and trying to fix the worst bits of me.’
Martha’s eyes filled with tears.
‘Juliet, it was all untrue, youknowthat, don’t you? Vile man. It was all to try to keep you to himself, make you feel you weren’t good enough for anyone else. And he kept you from us too.’
‘I know, and I’m sorry.’ She stood up and walked over to the window, staring out at the patchy gravel drive and willing herself not to cry. After a couple of deep breaths, she turned back to Martha. ‘But now I’m free ofbothof them…I finally feel safe. Idon’t want to be that vulnerable child again, even if it means not letting people get so close to me.’
‘ButIwant to be close to you, and Dad and Sylvia and even Frankie,’ said Martha, brushing away the tears that had now fallen.
‘I know,’ replied Juliet, biting her lip. ‘But coming back here would be too much of a risk to everything I’ve built up. Sure, I could still work from here…but everyone here knows me, knows how humiliated I’ve been by Mum and Toby.’
‘People are sympathetic – they don’t pity you or laugh at you.’
Juliet came away from the window and sat down heavily on the sofa again, pushing her hands through her hair in anguish.
‘You don’tknowthat. I can’t bear it. I don’t want their sympathy. I just want to forget all that and get on with my life.’
‘And you think you can do that without going back and untangling all that other stuff, realising that the shame is theirs, not yours?’
Juliet’s lips tightened.
‘I don’t know. Maybe.’
‘Oh, Juliet, you’re so sensitive and caring. I can’tbearto think of you hiding away behind some scary persona in London that just isn’t you.’
Juliet took her sister’s hand.
‘Hey, it’s not all bad. Look at the fun we had last night. I go out all the time in London.’
