Dear Mum,
Thank you for your email. Don’t worry, I’ve been busy, not remotely sad. I can’t wait to join you and Dad for my big adventure. I’ve read some of the links you sent…
Despite my research and email, I was still first down to breakfast, so was firmly established in my chair and magazine as the others trickled in. Bunny was first, swiftly followed by Xander. William and Daphne were next to appear, carried on a cloud of love that was for me both heart-warming and devastating. Seraphina and Caspian were next, far more excited and rowdy than I had expected after their busy day yesterday. I went to help them settle, as I could see Bunny looked drawn and could do without being jumped all over by them, but Xander was quicker.
‘Come on, rabble, I’m going to beat you to the cornflakes!’
He swept them out to the kitchen as Lando came in, hair messy and with shadows under his eyes. The smile of the previous few mornings had been replaced with the original scowl, and he stamped over to his chair, spilling his coffee as he went.
‘Damn. And why does Xander have to make so much noise? He shouldn’t be allowed to wind those children up.’
Bunny looked up in surprise.
‘Lando darling, are you all right, has something happened? It’s not the Nativity, is it?’
‘No, it’s not. I’m fine. It would just be nice to have a peaceful breakfast in my own house for once.’
I put down my empty bowl.
‘I’ll go and have a word with them…’ But I was interrupted by the twins and Xander erupting back into the room, waving their spoons and trying not to spill their breakfast, followed by Pilar with a cloth and an exasperated but amused expression on her face.
‘No more raisins, no more raisins,’ pleaded Xander, falling to his knees in surrender as the children pushed them into his mouth, almost helpless with laughter.
‘It’s fine, Uncle Xander, look!’ said Caspy, shoving a whole handful in and chewing ecstatically, laughing as he did so. It’s difficult to explain how quickly everything then changed. From silly giggles to calamity as Caspian’s merry face suddenly contorted with fear and shock and he clutched at his throat, making a horrible, strangulated wheezing sound that will echo in my mind until the day I die. Although I was later told that I had leapt out of my chair in an instant, in my memory everything moved in slow motion. I saw his face, heard the noises, took in everyone else – and no one was concerned. Xander was still pretending to hate raisins, Bunny was smiling indulgently, Lando was scowling, Pilar was putting coasters under mugs and William and Daphne were gazing at one another in an adoration that made them blind to everything else. Only I seemed to realise that Caspian was choking. Choking is the biggest fear of anyone looking after a child, and thankfully I have been rigorously trained in how to deal with it.
I darted over to him, grabbed him, leant him forward and whacked him on the back. In the training they describe them as ‘blows’, and that came back to me, helped me: it is so counterintuitive to hit a child hard, but I knew it was what was needed. I looked at his face, oblivious to the chaos that was erupting around me as panic and horror took over everyone else in the room, and saw that he was still attempting to draw breath, but was starting to turn blue. My own fear was still deeply compressed, and I was completely focused on my job. I administered the back blows again, but to no avail, so next I grabbed him around the waist, from behind, and drew my clenched fist firmly in and up, under the solar plexus. To my relief, on the second thrust a raisin shot out of his mouth and he gave a terrifying, rasping intake of breath before collapsing into my arms. Now I heard the cacophony of voices:
‘Oh my God, oh my God, Penny, is he okay?’
Bunny was screaming and crying, being held by Daphne, Xander had tears pouring down his cheeks, William was comforting Seraphina and Lando was grey with shock.
‘He’s all right,’ I said, hearing the shakiness in my own voice. ‘He’s all right, but we should call an ambulance, he’ll need checking over.’
I shifted the limp but breathing child over to Bunny, now on the floor beside us, and took the mobile phone that Lando was offering me, to dial 999 and explain what had happened.
‘The ambulance will be here in about ten minutes, they said to keep him warm and calm until they arrive.’
It was clear that nobody really knew what to do with themselves, but seeing Seraphina’s stricken face, I knew that she would be our priority once Caspian was safely in medical hands. To help myself as much as her, I started organising everyone.
‘Okay, Phina darling, why don’t you help Grandpa and Uncle Xander take the breakfast things into the kitchen. IthinkI heard Pilar saying she was going to make chocolate-dipped magdalenas, and there’s a good chance there will be a bowl to be licked.’
I looked at her desperately, and she nodded.
‘Sí, that is right, come along with me.’
Phina’s wan little face lifted a little and the two men took their cue, jollying her along and getting her out of the room and thoroughly distracted.
‘Daphne, please could you take Bunny to get changed to go to the hospital with Caspy? Don’t worry,’ I added, squeezing Bunny’s hand. ‘I’ll look after him while you’re gone. Grab the things you need; you may be there a little while.’
She nodded, kissed her son’s head, and let Daphne lead her upstairs.
‘Lando, could you please phone Ben and let him know what’s happened? I don’t think he needs to come, though.’
‘Of course.’
I rocked Caspian gently as they sorted everything out, holding back the torrent of tears I wanted to release, but that must wait for later.
When the ambulance had pulled away, with the reassurance from the paramedics that Caspy should make a full recovery, we all walked slowly back into the house.
