“Te quiero, mi amor.”
I turned and walked out, feeling the weight of her words settling into my bones.
The cemetery was quiet, except for the whisper of the wind rustling through the trees. I pulled my jacket tighter around myself as I stepped onto the worn path, my sneakers crunching softly against the gravel. It had been too long since I’d last come here.
Maybe because I hated the way it made everything feel too damn real, or maybe because standing in front of this gravestone always left me feeling like I was still that broken girl from all those years ago.
A senior in high school, standing at his funeral, clutching my mother’s hand, trying so hard to be strong. I wasn’t strong, though. Not then, and definitely not now.
I swallowed hard as I approached his headstone, my breath catching the second my fingers brushed against the cool, engraved surface.
Luis Vargas
Beloved Husband. Cherished Father.
I traced the letter with trembling fingers, my throat tightening. The words were too small. Too simple. A single stone, a few carved words, could never sum up the great man that he was. The best husband. The best father. He loved us so fiercely.
My knees gave out before I even realized I was falling. I sat there, knees pressed into the damp earth, the cold creeping in through the denim of my jeans.
“Papi, I miss you so much.” My voice cracked.
“There hasn’t been a single day that’s gone by where you aren’t in my thoughts. Where the sound of a song or the smell of cafecito doesn’t rush back a memory of you.” My lips trembled as I sucked in a shaky breath.
“Every day since you’ve been gone, I’ve wished for just one more day with you. Just one more conversation. One more time hearing you say you love me. One more time feeling one of your bear hugs—the one where you'd lift me off my feet, squeezing all the air out of me just to hear me laugh. Hell, I’d even take one more time of you grounding me, if it meant you were here.”
I let out a weak, broken chuckle. “What I wouldn’t do to hear your voice right now.”
The wind picked up slightly, or maybe it was just my imagination, but I closed my eyes, pretending that, just for a second, I could hear him. Pretending that he was still here.
I wrapped my arms around myself, rocking slightly. “Everything feels so messed up right now, Papi. I feel so lost. So confused. I was never ready to lose you; I was just a kid. And now I have to be ready to lose Mami too.” My voice broke on the last word, my breath catching in my throat.
I sniffed hard, brushing the sleeve of my jacket against my face. I hated crying. “There’s just been so much hurt. So much loss. I can hardly bear it. My heart aches, Papi. A world without either of you just feels so damn lonely.” A single sob escaped my lips before I could stop it. I pressed my hand against my chest, trying to breathe through it, trying to force down the weight of grief pressing into me.
But it wasn’t just grief. It was fear. I had spent my entire life trying to be strong, trying to be independent. Trying to prove that I could survive everything and anything.
But, my god. I didn’t want to keep surviving loss. I wanted to stop losing people. I wanted to stop feeling like love was just another countdown to my heartbreak.
My fingers curled into fists against my thighs as I shook my head. “There’s so much that you both will never get to see. You didn’t even get to see me graduate.” My voice was barely above a whisper now, too raw, too fragile. I pressed my forehead against my knees, letting the silence settle between me and the grave.
I wiped at my eyes, sniffling hard. “I don’t know what to do, Papi. I really don’t.”
And for a second, I closed my eyes and imagined what he would have said if he were sitting beside me. That I was being too stubborn. That life didn’t wait for people to figure their shit out. That love was meant to be held onto, even when it was terrifying.
I exhaled shakily, tilting my head toward the sky. The stars flickered against the inky black, endless and vast. I couldn’tkeep people forever. But maybe, I could stop running from them while they were still here.
I reached forward, brushing my fingers lightly over the engraved letters one last time. “I love you, Papi. Always.”
CHAPTER 29
Sebastian
Itapped my fingers against the side of my beer bottle, only half-listening as Analyse went on about something Maya had done earlier that day.
I caught pieces of it—“drew a masterpiece on the wall,” “called her teacher abuela by accident,” “insisted on wearing pajamas to school because Tío Seb lets me.”
Normally, I’d be laughing, probably giving Analyse shit about how Maya clearly inherited her stubbornness. But tonight? Tonight, my mind was elsewhere. Or rather, on someone else.
“You’ve been staring at your phone for five minutes straight.” Analyse’s voice cut through my thoughts, her eyes narrowing. “Did you and Mari have a fight or something?”
