This was the question I knew she’d ask, and one I’d been wrestling with. No matter what that evil man had done to me, could I sign his death warrant? Did I have the right to ask for someone’s death, when the tiny, sick, poisoned part of me still thought that maybe I’d deserved what happened—even though I knew he was theonlyone to blame?
“Um. He…he was my guardian, like I said. He was married, but his wife…she turned a blind eye. I think he abused her, too. I used to hear shouting and screaming when I was hiding in my room…” Swallowing hard, I rubbed a trembling hand across my face. Brutus raised his head, whining softly, and then pressed his cold, wet nose into my stomach. It gave me the strength to continue. “There were others who came and went. Other kids like me. Ones who nobody wanted. But he…he took a liking to me. T-told me I was special.”
A tear ran down my cheek as bile rose in my throat, memories assaulting me. Rough hands. Whisky breath. Painful bruises mottling my skin. My throat raw from screams.
Amélie’s grip on my finger tightened, but she remained silent, as did Vivienne, letting me get my words out in my own time.
“S-sometimes, he liked to take his time with me. To drag it out. Those were the worst times. I—I used to lie there and pray for it to be over. For the pain to stop. Sometimes I even prayed th-that I’d die. I thought that if I stopped existing, the pain would finally end.”
The poison was flowing from my veins now, unstoppable. “If he was in an especially bad mood, he’d take it out on me, and I wouldn’t even be able to move the next day. Once, he cracked my ribs. I had to— I had to hide it from everyone, to keep going toschool like nothing was wrong, had to—” Spots danced in front of my eyes, my vision tunnelling as the memories assaulted me in a wave, dragging me down. I couldn’t choke out the rest of the words, my breaths fast and shallow as I gasped, hunching over.
“Breathe with me, Wren.” A hand lifted mine, placing it against a chest, a heartbeat steady beneath my fingers. “That’s it. In and out. With me.” The soft voice kept speaking, calmly instructing me, and finally, I managed to get some air into my lungs. Raising my head, I found Amélie intently focused on me. Tears trickled down her cheeks, but she held my gaze steadily. “There you are,” she whispered. Gently releasing my hand, she slipped her arm around my waist, tugging me into her side, and I rested my head against her shoulder.
She was still touching me. After everything, she was still touching me.
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I forced myself to continue, getting through the rest of my story as quickly as possible. I tried so hard to keep to the facts, so I wouldn’t break down completely, but somehow, I found myself telling them about the way he made me feel. The way he’d told me I was special at first, trying to get inside my head, and then he’d changed tactics. The verbal abuse had piled on top of the physical. He’d poisoned me inside and out, telling me over and over that I was worthless, that no one would ever want me, that I should be grateful he was willing to go near something as disgusting as me.
By the time I finished speaking, the sun had set, and both Amélie and Vivienne had tears in their eyes.The silence was deafening.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered shakily, pulling away from Amélie. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—you didn’t need to know all that. I’m?—”
“No.” Vivienne’s voice was fierce, threaded with steel. “No, Wren. You have nothing to apologise for. Nothing. Do you hear me? He’s never going to hurt you again. Never. With your permission, I’d like Teeth to investigate him further as a potential Chosen. Would you feel comfortable providing me with his details?”
“Yes.” Reliving my worst memories had solidified something in me. Somehow, my former guardian had to pay for what he’d done. Not just to me, but to everyone unlucky enough to cross paths with him and experience his sickness. And maybe—just maybe—watching him die would purge the remaining poison inside me.
“It’s settled. Leave it with me.” Vivienne stood. Brutus lumbered to his feet, pacing across the cracked earth to stand by her side.
When they left, and it was just me and Amélie remaining, she reached up, cupping my face and tilting my jaw so our eyes met again.
“Why are you still here?” I whispered. “Why aren’t you running? I’m—I’m ruined.”
“Wren. No.” Her thumbs wiped away my tears. “You arenotruined. You are a survivor. You’re fucking strong and brave and?—”
“I’m not.” The words were torn from my throat, raw and jagged. “I’m not strong. I could have fought harder. I could have run away. I could have?—”
Amélie pressed her finger to my lips, her eyes sparking with fire. “No. You were achild. A child with nowhere to go and no one to protect you. Nothing that happened was your fault.Nothing. Even if you hadn’t been a child…what he did was reprehensible. He deserves to pay for every single one of his crimes. And he will. I promise you.”
Her words soothed something inside of me. Leached some of the poison away. I breathed, a deep, steady breath, and reached for her hand.
“I want to do something for you,” she said softly, pressing her palm against mine. “Something that I think…that I hope you’ll like. Something new. After tonight’s show, will you come somewhere with me?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice, and a gorgeous, soft smile curved over her lips, chasing the last of my shadows away—even if it was only temporary.
For the first time since I’d learned we were going to Dover, a tiny spark flickered to life inside me.
Maybe it was a spark of hope. Of the potential between us, of the fact that this beautiful, amazing woman had learned the full extent of my dark past and had accepted me without judgement.
Or maybe it was more than that. Maybe it was also a spark of something darker.
A spark of vengeance.
Of the prospect of making him pay.
6
Amélie
Iled Wren up the steep steps. Four floors, each with two sets of stairs, seeming steeper the higher we climbed. Even with my daily regime of intensive exercise as a trapeze artist, I felt the burn in my thighs. Hopefully, though, this would all be worth it.
