Flash.
His palm over my mouth, cutting off my air.
Flash.
Pain. Endless pain.
Sinking to the floor of the mirror maze, I fucking sobbed, curling in on myself, forgetting where I was. Forgetting everything that made me who I was now, lost in my past, screaming and crying, my body shaking as I made myself as small as possible.
“Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.Wren.” Arms came around me, and I lashed out, scratching and biting and kicking. He was here, he’d found me, he’d never let me go?—
“Wren. It’s me. Amélie.” The voice was urgent in my ear. “It’s me. Breathe.”
I was dimly aware that the keening cry I could hear was coming from me, but I couldn’t stop, tremors wracking my body as the tears fell.
Eventually I became aware of a hand rubbing up and down my back, and another hand on my heart, warm and steady.
“Breathe with me. In, and out.” The hand left my heart, fingers curling around mine, lifting my hand to place it against soft skin, a steady heartbeat beneath. “In, and out. In time with me.”
I gulped in a breath, my body still shaking, but I attempted to match my breaths to the ones I could feel underneath my palm.Amélie. This was Amélie. Not him. It would never be him again.
“That’s it,” the soft voice murmured, drawing me closer. “Keep breathing. I’m here. You’re safe.”
I wasn’t sure how long we remained there. When I came back to full awareness, the mirror maze was lit with candles, soft flickers around us, and Amélie was sitting with her back against the wall, her arms around me, while I huddled into her. My throat was raw, and my hands stung where I’d been digging my nails into my palms. I felt exposed, bruised, my chest heaving with my shuddering breaths as I struggled to find words.
“I—”
“No.” Amélie’s finger covered my lips. “Don’t say anything. I should never have done this. I’m so, so sorry, Wren.”
“It wasn’t your fault. How would you have known?” I rasped, lifting my head.
“Wren.” Her voice cracked, and she buried her face in my shoulder.
When she raised her gaze to meet mine, her eyes glistened with tears.
I held her gaze, dragging the words out. “It wasn’t your fault. It’s me…it’s…no, it’s not me, but it’s my past. It’s nothing to do with you, I promise.”
“Do-do you want to talk about it?” Amélie was uncharacteristically hesitant.
I shook my head violently. “No. Please. Can we just…” Trailing off, I let myself fall back into her. “Please. No more?—”
“Okay.” Her hand stroked down my back. “No more.”
5
Wren
The winter sun shone down on me, muted, pale-yellow rays without any warmth. I closed the door of the motorhome behind me, lifting my face to the cool breeze that swirled through our camp. But even the fresh sea air couldn’t clear the fog in my mind. It couldn’t dispel the nightmares that had been haunting me since I’d learned we were going to Dover.
Steadily breathing in and out as I headed towards the big top, I reminded myself of the facts. The facts I’d repeated in my head every day in the almost-two years I’d been a part of the cirque.
My former guardian couldn’t reach me here.
Even when we arrived in Dover, I was safe. Protected.
I had a home and a family.
My breath stuttered when I considered my last fact. Whatever society might think, the fact was that the cirque was my home, and every single member of the cirque was just as important. We looked out for each other. If an outsider tried to harm one of us, we’d all take action.
