Two solid weeks of a little eating, not much sleeping, and an obscene amount of sex. Sex in ways I had never dreamed of, in combinations with my men… I blushed, and tried not to remember all the depraved things I had asked for. Demanded, actually. The haze of heat had descended after that tender, magical moment with Thorn. Some of it was a blur, thank goodness, but not all.
Oh, how I wished I could think of some of those hours with my Alphas without a blush in my cheeks. Without being swamped with chagrin at how much others must have heard of our most intimate moments. Not that I would change a single thing that had happened in that room.
I sniffed my arm, wondering if I still smelled like sex, if it had worked its way into my pores. If it hadn’t been for the small, attached bathing chamber, we would have had to burn the room down and start over, but my men had taken turns bathing themselves and me. My Omega nature had allowed them to go that far, but the second one of them had stepped toward the door to the hall or mentioned going out, I had been thrown back into heat again.
Then, yesterday, I woke cool, relaxed, and clear-headed.
Clear-headed enough to realize that I had been screaming down the palace walls for fourteen days. Every person on the island knew what I sounded like when I orgasmed, and also knew I had ordered my lovers to serve me. Like some sort of depraved, despotic sex queen.
When I rose, Kavin and Altair were avoiding eye contact with each other, and Icarus kept calling Thorn “sir” every time he spoke. After Thorn praised Kavin for tidying up some pillows, calling him his “good boy,” I had chased them all out of the room.
“Let me die from embarrassment in peace.”
Thorn had kissed my brow and murmured, “I can’t wait for your next heat.” He nipped my neck over his bite before he led the others out, sending residual tremors of desire through my body.
Valerie’s voice punctured my internal scheming on how to avoid ever coming out of the room. “Roya, can I please come in? Your mates said you’re fine, but I need to see…”
For some reason, I didn’t want her to enter the room. It felt like this place was only for me and my mates, even if it wasn’t my own nest.
“Just a minute, I’ll come out.” I heard footsteps, and when I finally wrapped a robe around me and opened the door, only Valerie was there. “Um, hey,” I said, covering my face with one hand.
Before I knew what was happening, I was crushed in her muscular arms. “Oh my sweet girl, I am so happy for you.”
“You… You are?” I peeked over my fingers, and saw the truth. Valerie was beaming, her eyes bright with tears but her mouth in the widest smile I had ever seen. She was wearing a wraparound dress like Naari’s in a blue that matched her eyes, and her hair had been braided into dozens of miniature golden lines.
“Food first,” she said, pulling me down the thankfully empty hallway toward another door. “We’ll get you some clothes later. I brought a few things, your dress from Angel, your spare stiletto knives, and some extra herbs just in case. For now, I’ve arranged a meal for us, just me and you. We need to catch up on… everything.” My stomach growled in appreciation, and we both laughed.
The long teak table was groaning with food: tropical fruit, creamy goat cheese and thinly sliced meats, long, fresh-baked loaves of brown bread with honey, and three different kinds of soups made with coconut milk, vegetables, and fresh herbs.
“Tell me everything, from the moment you left,” she insisted. I did, and when I had finished the story, she shook her head. “I knew those idiots had made mistakes, but with the exception of Altair, I’m not sure why you accepted them in your heat, Roya.”
“Seemed a better choice than death at the time,” I joked. “I guess all my dreams of being my own person were just that. Dreams.”
Her gaze went flinty. “You don’t have to stay with them, you know. Just because you’re mated doesn’t mean you have to live with them, or do what they tell you. I raised you to be an independent woman, and you can still—”
I stood and began pacing, feeling torn. “But how, Valerie? You yourself always told me you wanted me to grow up to be more than a Failed Omega—even after we knew I wasn’t broken. You encouraged me to do more than just be… this.” I waved a hand at my body as I ranted, my voice getting louder, my limbs feeling warmer than they should. I fanned my face, ignoring Valerie’s narrowed eyes. “I thought the Guild was giving me that chance, to be powerful. To be more than just an Omega, more than a—how did you say it? A wet hole for a bunch of Alphas. More than what Milian bred me for. Is that all I’ll be seen as now? A mate, an attachment?”
“Thorn would never think of you that way,” she began, and I knew she was right, but the anger that was coursing through me felt familiar and safe.
I didn’t know what to do with all the feelings I’d been having, the lust of the heat, the softness toward so many men, the terror of losing Thorn… but anger was comfortable. So I let myself rant; it was only the two of us, and Valerie wouldn’t judge me for blowing off steam. I could speak aloud the fears that had bothered me for months, even if I knew they were unfounded.
“Thorn? He could be halfway to Mirren by now; he told me enough times he wouldn’t stay with me with the Guild on his tail.” I looked away, feeling the familiar shame of my love for him heat my cheeks. “Ithinkhe’ll stay now, but I’ve heard a lot of ‘no’ from that man in my life.” Valerie rolled her eyes and I shrugged. “Icarus…? My wyvern will be compelled to remain near me because we are skybound. But he’s also a pirate. How long will he be happy to live on land? Altair needs an Omega to keep his throne, not that I blame him for that. He loves me, but to stay king, he needs me here. Apparently, Kavin’s warlord father bought me, so does this mean they’ll plan to work out a deal where they share my power for Starlak?”
I clenched my trembling jaw; there was more than a hint of residual fear in my heart. Even after I found love with them for the interlude of my heat, at least part of what I was saying might be true. They might grow tired of me and my flaws.
I was ill-tempered and over-proud. A disaster as a woman, even if my skills as an assassin were excellent. Deep down, I feared that I wouldn’t be enough to keep my men with me. Maybe I had never deserved any of them to begin with.
“Roya, where is this coming from? Tell me you don’t really feel that way.”
I sighed. “I don’t know, Valerie. No.” I shook my head. “Maybe.” A prickle of heat ran through me again, and I wondered if perhaps, my heat hadn’t truly ended. Maybe that was why I felt so out of sorts, so… lost.
Valerie had just opened her mouth—to laugh, to mock me, possibly to tell me to pull my head out of my ass—when a noise at the door drew my eyes.
Kavin stood there, an expression on his face I had never seen directed at me. Rage. Altair was behind him, carrying a box, but he shook his head in disgust and wheeled away.
“Roya,” Kavin growled, but Valerie interrupted him.
“Give us a few moments, Kavin.” He nodded and left, and Valerie took me by my shoulders. Her lips were tight, but her eyes were filled with compassion. “Did you get it all out of your system?”
