“They don’t,” Meredith said. “That’s the secret.”
He pointed at her. “This is why you’re taking over Acacia someday. Someday soon, I hope.”
She laughed, a little too loudly, a little too forced. “Sure. Right after I solve world peace.”
“I’m serious.” Eli leaned forward, elbows on knees. “You’ve got the full package, Mer. The design instinct, the client polish, the project management skills… and, somehow, the patience to untangle the city’s red tape like it’s a word jumble.”
Her stomach twisted.
He meant it as a compliment, as a proud father marveling at his daughter. And, honestly, she normally lived for his praise. But today, all she heard was a countdown clock ticking toward disappointment.
“Thanks, Dad,” she said, softening her voice.
He smiled. “You make it easy. I honestly don’t know how I got so lucky. Jonah, too, even if he’s on a different timeline. Still, when I look at you, I just can’t believe I had a hand in creating such a perfect creature. Oh, don’t make that face. I’m not calling you ‘Miss Perfect’ like Jonah does.”
“I’m not…perfect.”
“Hah. Prove me wrong.”
She glanced down, pretending to study her notes. It wouldn’t be hard to make that point. Two words. Two harsh, impossible, really dumb words.
“I mean it, Mer. You’re awesome.”
Wasn’t he going to stop? She was so not awesome.
“Thanks,” she muttered.
He leaned in some more, still not done making her wallow in guilt. “You know, after your mom died, I wasn’t sure either of you would come through it. Heck, I wasn’t sureIwould. But you…you just attached yourself to life. To the work. To me.”
Because I didn’t have anyone else. Because I couldn’t let myself fall apart. Because I thought if I was perfect enough, you wouldn’t leave me, too.
But she kept all that self-therapy to herself. Instead, she just swallowed the lump rising in her throat and lifted her chin. “Well. Somebody had to keep the firm from crumbling.”
“You did more than that,” he said. “You’re one of the most grounded, moral, disciplined people I know. And that’s rare, Mer. It really is.”
She literally had to bite her tongue to keep from screaming, “Stop!”
How could she tell him? It would break his heart and his cracked-up impression that she was all that. She was none of that. She was the fool who made a series of decisions without thinking. The idiot who wanted pleasure and freedom from commitment.
She knew Trevor was temporary. She didn’t know he was married, but she knew he was nothing more than a good time.
How could she ever tell the truth to this man sitting in front of her, singing her praises and calling her grounded and moral? This man who loved God and…her.
She couldn’t. Not now, at least.
“You okay?” Eli asked.
She blinked. “Yeah. Just…tired.” Did he notice how often she said that?
He leaned back in the chair, lacing his fingers behind his head. “This was supposed to be a vacation for you, Mer.”
“It is,” she assured him. “I’m loving the beach and Atlas. Even Jonah is…good.” She almost laughed. After she broke the news, he would officially be “the good Lawson kid” again. Been a lot of years since he could claim that title.
She pressed a hand to her abdomen, unconsciously. She really should get this conversation and disappointment out of the way.
“Dad…” she started, voice low.
He studied her, his gaze expectant.
