Pushing the thought out of her mind, she tried to sink into the vibe of the sun-drenched tourist mecca of this boardwalk shopping area directly on the harbor. The breeze fluttered her hair, carrying the scents of salt, sunscreen, and seafood. Families wandered in and out of boutiques. Music from a street performer floated past them, and kids ran squealing around a bubble machine near the water’s edge.
Meredith inhaled, willing herself to breathe it all in. Anything but the turmoil lodged in her throat. And the low-key nausea from that shrimp place they just passed.
“Well,” she finally said, choosing her words carefully, “I just bought you a set of knives, so you’re committed to the program now.”
“I could sell them and pay you back.”
She glared at him. “You could use them and make a fortune and pay me back. Also, keep them sharp and someday you can leave them to your son.” She gave a dry laugh as the words tumbled out of her mouth. “Shoot, Jonah Lawson, you havea son.”
“I know.” He huffed out a breath. “Proof that the universe has a sense of humor.”
She wasn’t sure about that. “So, what’s the culinary school workload like?” she asked. “Can I help you study? It’s my specialty.”
“Don’t I know it,” he said on a chuckle. “It’s a new program just launching at this school, so there isn’t any curriculum or buzz on Reddit. As far as I can tell, they’ll start us with a mix of culinary foundations—which means everything from knife skills to basicmise en place.”
“Sounds…French.”
“It’s just…” He smiled. “Let’s just put it this way—you’d get an A.”
“Well, I always get A’s but I’m not a great cook. What ismise en place? How do you spell that?” She fished for her phone, but he put a hand over hers to stop her.
“It’s about making the kitchen organized, clean, and ready for action. No chaos, all order.”
“Ahh. Sounds like my wheelhouse.” She eyed him as he pulled out his phone. “You just stopped me from screen time.”
“I know but…” He slid his thumb over the device. “I want to make sure everything’s okay with Atlas.”
“He’s fine. He’s not even a month old. He didn’t run off the boardwalk into the water.”
He shot her a look. “You don’t understand, Mer. A baby is…huge. It’s a whole life. A whole stinking life. And I’m responsible for it.”
She swallowed. “I understand,” she managed. “I personally think it’s been good for you. Not losing Carly, obviously. That’s the worst thing imaginable. But you’re handling it better than I expected.”
“You weren’t there during the snot-riddled breakdown when I arrived. Next-level ugly.”
Her heart shifted thinking of him in so much pain. He’d cried a lot when Mom died, and it had been one of the hardest parts of the whole grieving experience. Watching her big, beautiful, popular, handsome football player of a brother shrivel into a sobbing mess who wouldn’t get off the sofa was one of the darkest things in her young life.
“Well, you seem pretty strong,” she said. “I mean, you’re the same old wry and sarcastic self-hating pain in the backside, but grounded now.”
He just smiled. “A tiny human will do that. Honestly, Mer, it’s like he rearranged my whole heart and life.”
Oh. The words slammed her in the solar plexus. Did shewanther life rearranged? She wasn’t sure.
She glanced at her brother again. Was there any better person on Earth to share her secret? Who could possibly understand the weight and worry of it like Jonah? And he might be able to help her figure out how to tell Dad, who was, of course, over the moon to see her.
He wouldn’t be so over the moon when she broke the news.
“I have to tell you something,” she said before she could stop herself.
Jonah glanced at her. “Yeah?”
No.No, no, no, no.She nearly stumbled on the walkway at the force of that voice in her head. She knew telling him was right—but not now. Not here. Not yet.
She waved it off. “Nothing. Just…you’re doing great. I’m proud of you.”
He gave her a sideways smirk. “You’re not just saying that because you’re out a couple of Benjamins for these knives?”
“No, but that is a factor.”
