“I thought Beau cheated on me,” I blurted, then grimaced when Kill’s eyes went wide and flashed with anger. “He didn’t. I just jumped to conclusions and made it worse by leaving. At Christmas. But not before he proposed to me, but I think that was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. And I just... Shit, I misshim. I miss him, and I feel like part of me is missing. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, Kill, and I just... I need to fix it.”
He placed both hands on my shoulders. “Take a deep breath, man.” He smiled at me with softness in his blue eyes. “Better?” I nodded. “Okay, you’ve talked to Beau, right? Told him how you feel? That you’re sorry about how you thought he cheated and that you know he didn’t? Good, so maybe go home, right? Go back to Boston and talk to him in person. Tell him just what you told me. That you love him.”
“But it’s Christmas,” I reminded him.
Killian chuckled. “And you want to be with your man. Take a god damn red eye, Dean.”
“It sounds like a great plan,” I murmured.
Going home to Boston and running into Beau’s arms sounded like the best idea in the world. I could have Mav send my things back to home. Or grab them at another time. The faster I got to the airport, the better everything would be.
Killian smirked. “Sometimes I have good ideas. Give me a hug before you leave.” He opened his arms. “Come on, come on. Don’t even think about it. Just do it.”
“Fine.” I rolled my eyes but stepped into his arms. He squeezed me so tight I swear I felt a rib pop. “Jesus, dude, are trying to break me?”
He laughed loudly. “You’re my best friend. I want to make sure you know that. And make sure you tell your man that it was my idea that you went home to him.” He squeezed me tighter. “Did he really ask you to marry him?”
“Yeah,” I muttered as we broke apart.
Killian raised his brows. “And if you had thought he was serious? What would have said?” When I didn’t say anything, he broke into a big dimple-revealing grin. “Fuck man, we’re all going to be married soon, huh?”
I said goodbye to everyone and hugged them before I left. I had a little moment with Maverick, who pulled me aside and told me he loved me and that he would always be here if I needed him. I wished everyone a Merry Christmas, promised Watts and Holt, I would see them next week at their wedding, where Mulligan would be playing, and then I was gone. Heading to the airport in an Uber, my stomach twisted in excited, angsty knots at the thought of seeing my boyfriend in a few hours.
The apartment was only lit by the Christmas tree when I let myself in, and I stopped for a second to take it all in. There were still gifts beneath it, and my stocking hung on the wall. I hurried to the bedroom to find Beau sleeping, and I crawled into bed next to him.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” I whispered over and over again. “I made a horrible mistake. I never should have left.” I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed against his shoulder. “Please forgive me.”
And that’s how I fell asleep. Crying next to my boyfriend, begging him to forgive me for something I never should have gotten upset with him in the first place.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Beau
Waking up alone had been hard these past few days. I had gotten used to sharing my bed. In fact, I enjoyed it. Waking up on Christmas morning without Dean had me crying softly into my pillow until I had gotten myself together. I knew my son was patiently waiting for me so he could open his gifts. The stocking with Dean’s name on it was a sad reminder that he wasn’t here to celebrate the holiday. We had both tried to ignore it. Tried not to talk about him or bring up his name but I saw the sadness in my son’s eyes. He had grown as fond of Dean as I had.
I missed having Dean here. Everything felt wrong. The sound of his voice. His laughter. The warmth of him against me when I slept. His smell. Kissing him. Touching him. Making love to him. We spoke a couple of times, but Dean kept it short. It hurt both of us, but I think it hurt him more. We texted because it was easier. But even that was hard.
After taking a long shower, I changed into a pair of comfy sweats, an old, tattered Boston shirt, and moved into the kitchen, only to find Cole sitting at the table with Dean. They were laughing and talking like nothing had happened. Eating breakfast. Drinking coffee and juice. Like everything was normal. And my god. Dean’s hair. Why was it pink? It looked terrible. It completely washed out the color of his skin. But he was here. That had to mean something, right?
“Good morning, Dad.” Cole smiled at me. “Dean’s home. He made breakfast.”
Dean twisted around to stare at me, his green eyes wide as a flush spread up his neck and a smile tugged at his plump pink lips. “There’s plenty for you if you’re hungry.” His voice was music to my ears. “I can make you a plate.”
When he started to get up, I shook my head. “No, I...” I tried to swallow around the lump in my throat. “Are you staying?”
“Yes.” Dean nodded. “If you still want me.”
My eyes darted over to Cole. “Could you give us a minute, please?” As soon as Cole was gone, I turned back to Dean. “You’re really staying? When did you get here? Why didn’t you tell me? Dean, fuck, I love you. This week has been horrible, and I missed you. Cole and I both missed you.”
“He told me.” Dean slipped from his chair to stand before me. He dug his fingers into the hem of my shirt. He gave me a shy smile. “I’m so, so sorry, babe. I never...” His voice cracked, and he pushed his face into my chest. “I shouldn’t have left. I was miserable the whole time we were apart. I overreacted. I should have stayed and talked to you instead of running.”
I wrapped my arms around him. “You’re back now.”
Dean began to cry harder, sad, angry sobs wracking his body against mine. I held him against me, cooing softly as he did. I rubbed my palms against his back, told him how much I loved him and that he was all I thought about while he was gone. How happy I was that he was home. That nothing else mattered now that he was here with me.
“Leaving you was a mistake,” Dean confessed. “I shouldn’t have done that. I was wrong. I don’t know why I could have thought you would cheat on me. And yes, I’m back for good.”
I brushed the tears from his face. “I missed you so much.”
