And ones that made me think of Dean.
“You good?” Jackson asked as we changed after the game. We had lost to Colorado, and I was starting to think it might be time to hang up my skates. Before I had no choice and was forced out.
I shrugged. “Tired.”
My gaze traveled over to where two of our teammates stood laughing and making goo-goo eyes at one another. Like we didn’t know they were fucking. Wyatt Murray, our right defenseman and Asher Andrews, our left winger and alternate captain, were clearly more than just friends. It was in the way one would smile at the other or how they found a reason to touchfor no reason. Something was going on here. Something that felt like it was going to end badly.
“You notice it, too?” Jackson murmured as he put on his suit. “They’re not exactly being incognito about it.”
Maybe I was a little jealous. Having that feeling with someone. Would it be that bad to let the world know I was bisexual? Maybe I should tell Cole first, just to see how my son reacted.
“They look happy.”
And I wanted that, too. Someone I could be myself with.
“Is this thing between Dean and you serious?” Jackson’s question caught me off guard. When I glanced up at him, he raised his brows. “It’s okay if it is. I know I was dick about it at first, but I really had no right to be. I just don’t want either of you to get hurt.”
I rolled my eyes. “I think what you’re trying not to say is that you’re worried that I’m going to end up breaking Dean’s heart. Which I have no intention of doing.” I held up a hand to stop him from interrupting. “We’re having fun. Isn’t that enough?”
“Mav said Dean hasn’t stopped talking about you since that night he met Cole. He likes your kid, too. Maybe this is your chance, Beau.”
My eyes suddenly blurred. “My chance for what?”
“At happiness again. I know what you’re going through. I thought I had lost Mav—”
“Maverick didn’t die, Jackson.”
“Shit.” Jackson sat back on the bench next to me. “Is that what this is really about? You’re afraid to get close to anyone, not just Dean, because of what happened to Trish? I know that you miss her, but maybe this is the universe telling you that it’s time to move on.”
“Maybe.” My nose stung, and I tried to blink away the tears. It was suddenly eerily silent in the locker room. When I glancedaround, I realized we were the only two left. “What if, and this is a big one, we do fall in love? And then Dean gets sick, and I can’t save him. I don’t want to go through that kind of pain again. Or put Cole through it. He was young when his mother got sick. He’s not a baby anymore. I’d have to be strong for both of us. I’m not sure I can do that again.”
And there it was. I was terrified to fall in love with someone, only to lose them again.
Jackson stood up. “Come on.” He waved a hand at me. “Get dressed. We’re going to have a drink. You need to relax.” He slid his phone out of his pocket and sent off a text. “I’m serious, Beau. Let’s go.”
I didn’t say anything else as I did as he told me.
JACKSON GRINNED ATme as I tossed the shot back and winced as the vodka burned its way down my throat. I wasn’t sure what number that was, but it was starting to make me feel a little better. My head was lighter, and my body was all mushy. Like my bones were made of liquid. I didn’t normally get loose like this. I was the adult here. The captain of the team, and I acted like it.
“Better?” Jax chuckled as I grabbed the bottle of vodka, poured another shot, and downed it.
I nodded. “Much, thanks.” But the urge to talk to Dean hit me. “Would it be bad if I texted Dean right now? I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. I don’t want to be rude.”
“As long as I can text Maverick.” Jackson was already sliding his phone from his pocket, and his eyes lit up. It was nice to see my friend so happy again. Like he was finally whole. I hadn’t realized that was missing from his life until Maverick showed up.
I was surprised to find several texts from Dean when I unlocked my phone, and I couldn’t stop the smile that spread over my face. A weird tingling feeling buzzed deep inside my body. Was he thinking about me, too? Or was it just a happy coincidence?
Dean: Good game tonight. I wish I could have been there in person to watch.
Dean:Maverick and I watched together; in case you were wondering.
Dean:You’re probably out with the team now.
Dean: I told Helena about you. I hope that’s okay.
Dean: She won’t tell anyone.
Dean:Jesus, now I’m coming off like a stalker
