Chapter Twenty-Three
Carson
Ezra gripped my handso tight I thought that he might cut off the circulation. I could tell by his body language that he was upset with me, and I couldn’t understand why. Because I was talking to Noel? We were talking about him, how he had helped Leo, and that was it. I might have brought up Ezra mentioning setting him up with Seth just to see his reaction, which wasn’t great, but nothing more than that. I didn’t want Noel. I was in love with Ezra.
The second we were outside, he dropped my hand and turned to face me with daggers in his eyes.
“What the fuck?” he spat.
“Ez, I don’t know what you think you saw, but I was—”
“No, no, you don’t get to weasel your way out of this, CC.” He shook his head. “Do you love him?”
I felt like I’d been slapped. “What, of course not!”
“Do you love me?” Ezra asked, folding his arms across his chest. He had to be freezing out here in that shirt. When I didn’t answer, I saw the tears well up in his eyes. “Jesus Christ.” He turned away from me.
I didn’t want to tell him I loved him in the middle of a fight. “Ez, don’t make me do this here.” He spun back around, his dark eyes flashing angrily. “I wanted it to be special, just us and romantic. Not outside my work.”
“Make you do what? Tell me how you feel? Because I’ve told you that I love you on numerous occasions, yet I have yet to hear you say the same.”
“Fine, I love you.”
Ezra rolled his eyes, and I watched as tears spilled down his cheek. “Fine?Fine?Fuck you, Carson.”
“Fuck me? Fuck you.” What was even happening right now? “You wanted to hear it, so I told you. I’m sorry that it wasn’t what you wanted.” I did not want to be doing this. Why were we fighting at all? I thought we were good.
His nostrils flared as he stared at me, dark eyes once again glistening with unshed tears. “What I want is for my boyfriend to feel the same way about me. For him to want forever, to love me so much it hurts inside. Not to say ‘Fine, I love you’ like it was something you just thought of off the top of your head. Do you even—” Ezra closed his eyes and shook his head. “Never mind.”
“Do I even what, princess?” I whispered as I heard the door open behind us and Christmas music filtered out into the dark.
“Watts wanted me to see if you were coming inside. He was going to do this big speech.” Killian’s voice sounded too cheerful. As if he knew he was interrupting a fight. “You two okay?”
I waved a hand at him. “We’ll be in a second.” I waited for Killian to leave before I glanced back at Ezra again. “Finish what you were going to say.”
Ezra choked out a laugh. “Why? So you can tell me it’s all in my head? That I’m jealous for nothing? I get it, CC. I know who I am, and I’m fine with it. I’ve always known that I’m not loveable or boyfriend material.” He held up a hand when I started to protest. “I knew that years ago, so jumping into this with you was obviously a mistake.”
“You’re not breaking up with me,” I warned. “I won’t let you. We’re in love. Best friends love one another for life.”
“Sorry, boo, but you don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do.” Ezra brushed the tears from his face, and I watched as the mascara smeared across his cheek. “I do, though. Love you. God, I love you so much that I want to go back in there and smack Noel for making me feel like this feral idiot right now. Look at my hands.” He held them up so I could see how they shook. “He can have you.”
I took a step toward him. “No.”
“Are we a good idea, Carson? I mean, think about it. I’m just one step away from crashing off the track, and you’re, hell, you’re perfect. What do I even bring to this relationship?” Ezra’s dark eyes pleaded with me to let him go.
I wouldn’t. I could never.
I could hear loud cheering coming from inside the Brooks Racing shop. “You bring everything, boo. Everything I’ve ever needed. The light, the sparkle, the happiness, and the fun. I can’t—no, I won’t—let you walk away from me. Not again.”
