My breath caught in my throat when Jillian turned to look at me again. I noticed the sunburn fading into a tan on her face, the freckles that had started to break out over her nose, and the way she kept chewing on her bottom lip the longer we stared at one another. How long had it been since I had been touched by a female? It felt like forever since I had wanted to be touched by the opposite sex. I had long given up on anyone wanting me, but right now, I wondered if someone might.
A smile tugged at Jillian’s plump lips. “You’re staring.”
“So are you,” I answered right back. Shit, was I flirting? I couldn’t even remember the last time I had done that. Before everything that had happened to change me.
Jillian broke into a full-fledge smile this time that lit up her entire face. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen; and whatever was happening at this moment was wrong. So wrong, but right now, I didn’t care.
“Are you going to the carnival tomorrow night?” She tugged on her sweatshirt. “Knox asked me to go, but...” I lost whatever else she was about to utter into a jealous frenzy the moment another guy’s name came out of her mouth.Fucking idiot. I was stupid to think I stood a chance with Jillian. She was just being normal with me, and now, she was just casually talking like friends do. I suddenly realized I had lost myself in my own thoughts because Jillian was staring at me right now.
Fuck.
“I lost you. Where did you go?” She put her hands into the front pocket of her sweatshirt. When I didn’t answer, Jillian shook her head. “I’m sorry, I know asking you to go to the carnival was silly. You’re not interested in that sort of thing.”
Wait, what? “I’ll go.” Fuck, what did I just say? I hated that stupid place. Too many people, all those kids running around with sticky cotton candy fingers, and all the people.
“Really?” Jillian clapped her hands together. “Wait, are you sure? I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to do.” She eyed me carefully as if she could read my mind or something.
Despite knowing this was a terrible idea, that I was going to have anxiety about it up until the moment we got there and after, I assured Jillian I was not doing this to make her happy. That I wanted to go. Only to be closer to her.
“Can I see your phone?” she asked. When I tilted my head at her, she smiled. “I want to put my number in it so I can text you the time. That way, when you come up with a good excuse not to go, you can text me.”
I rolled my eyes as I lifted my hip to pull out my cell. I unlocked it before I handed it over and then watched Jillian add her number and she gave it back to me. I looked at the phone for a second before I shot her a text and listened to her phone ding. When Jillian checked her texts, she chuckled.
Hutch:I’m not going to change my mind.
“Really?” She looked startled by my text as she looked up at me.
Hutch:Stuck with me.
I was so screwed.
***
Ispent two hours gettingready for the damn carnival. A carnival that happened every single year at Ocean View, and one that I hadn’t been to since I was twelve years old. I took a half an hour shower before I changed into a pair of blue jeans, and a plain t-shirt with Zed’s Automotive sprawled across the front, which I decided wasn’t good enough, before I ripped that off to put on a shirt that saidI got it at the Viewwritten in some terrible font. I stared at myself in the mirror. This wasn’t going to work either. This wasn’t who I was or what I stood for. I was not the guy that cared about what I dressed like. I rummaged around in my dresser before I found a NASCAR shirt I forgot I had buried in the back. It wasn’t wrinkled so I yanked it over my head.
I ran my hands through my unruly hair, wondering if I should bother with a hat. It was always windy at the carnival. Probably due to it being on the pier next to the water, and I didn’t want to take the chance of losing any of my hats. I glanced at my phone which told me I had five minutes before I would be officially late meeting Jillian so I shoved my feet into my sneakers, slid my cell into my pocket, and made sure my door was locked.
As I hurried down the steps from my apartment that was over the garage at my parents’ place, I noticed that Pat was already gone, which meant he and Jo were probably on their way too. I grunted, thinking about running into him. It wasn’t that I didn’t get along with my brother; it was just that he was probably either going to pretend that everything was normal or give me a side-eye the entire time. I went with the second one as I rounded the corner to the pier. Everything was within walking distance at the View so it didn’t take me long to get there, but I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Jillian.
Dressed in a pair of white lace shorts and a matching tank top, she was staring down at her phone, waiting for me. Did she seriously think I was going to cancel? When Jillian had texted me this morning to confirm the time, I had assured her I would be there. Her dark hair fell in waves around her shoulders, and I caught my breath the moment she looked up to smile at me. Maybe I would have backed out, but it was way too late for that now.
“There you are!” she gushed happily as she slipped her phone in her back pocket. “I kept checking my phone in case you backed out.”
I nodded, lost in my own dirty thoughts. Thoughts that included what it would be like to slowly remove those shorts, the panties she had on underneath if she had any on, and then bury my face between her thighs.
Jillian grinned up at me. “Why do you have that weird look on your face right now?” she teased.
Weird look on my face? Oh shit, did I say something about her panties aloud? Damn, this was going to be a bad idea, wasn’t it?
“Sorry,” I muttered.
Jillian didn’t say anything else as we started to walk inside the already crowded carnival. Someone’s shoulder hit my arm, followed by a mumbled apology, but I hardly heard it. Shit, there were so many people here. Why did everyone have to come on the opening night? Didn’t they know this thing ran all summer long, seven days a week? Jesus, what was I doing here? I felt like maybe it was too much, too soon. I couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, and maybe if I went home, I would be okay. That would be better for me than this. Anything would be better than this.
Jillian gripped my wrist. “Hutch.” She planted herself in front of me. “Hutch, honey, you’re okay,” she tried to assure me. “You’re with me, Hutch.” My eyes slowly focused on her. “Do you want to sit down for a second?” When I nodded, she eased me into an empty seat, but she stood straight, only to begin tracing my jaw with the pads of her fingers. “Do you need to go home? Is this too much for you, Hutch? We can leave anytime you want,” she murmured, moving closer.
“Need a second.”
Jillian nodded as she continued to stroke my face with her fingers. Lightly at first, but then the pressure increased enough to make me relax. Why was she not running for the hills right now? She didn’t say anything as my breathing gradually began to return to normal as did my heart rate, and suddenly I felt like I might be alright.
