Chapter-Twenty Nine
Hutch
Two years later
Ipulled the door openof the ballet studio as Hazel clung to my side. She had been begging me for weeks to sign her up for dance classes ever since she saw the girls leaving one day, dressed in their tutus, and I had promised her I would bring her down, but I secretly had been dreading it. I didn’t want to look at Jillian, never mind speak to her, and tell her the truth. That I had royally and completely fucked everything up.
“Hazel-basil, is that you!” Jillian exclaimed when she saw Hazel looking around the ballet studio with big round eyes.
“Jilly!” Hazel giggled happily when Jillian took her from my arms and tickled her little stomach. My daughter loved Jillian something fierce, and at every single family function, she sought her out, much to the horror of my wife.
Jillian hugged Hazel tightly before she finally looked at me. “Hello, Hutch, how are you?” This is usually how it went down between the two of us. Casual conversations at Pat and Jo’s house at Thanksgiving or a quick nod if we happened to see one another somewhere, but for the most part, she made sure to avoid me when she could. Like I had told her to. I hurt Jillian in many ways, but this made my life easier if I was being honest.
“I’ve come to sign my little nugget up for dance class.” I hated how lame I sounded.
Jillian nodded. “Sure, of course.” She placed Hazel on the floor only to have her run toward the barre and mirrors before she stopped when she remembered the playroom full of toys. She hurried inside to get lost in the dolls, Legos, and action figures that were kept inside.
“Hazel, sweetie, be careful,” I called out before I turned back to Jillian. Her dark hair was long enough for her to pull it back into a bun again, and she had put back on the weight she had lost while at school. In my eyes, Jillian was still the most beautiful woman in the world, and always would be.
She dragged her teeth across her bottom lip. “Are you okay?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, Hutch, but I always assumed when this day came, it would be Madison bringing Hazel here.” She moved to flip the Closed sign over and locked the door.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” I grunted.
Jillian looked hurt, but I meant what I said. My personal life was none of her business, no matter how I felt about her. “Let’s go into my office.” She turned and I followed behind, grateful I could see into the playroom even from inside.
Jillian’s office reminded me so much of her childhood bedroom. It was painted a pastel pink, with posters of ballet on the walls, framed photos of her students, and a few of herself with her friends. I leaned against the doorframe as I watched Jillian take out the paperwork I needed to sign, and wished that I were anywhere else. “She left me,” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
Jillian stopped what she was doing. “What?” She blinked at me with confusion all over her face. She placed the paperwork on her desk and sat down. “Explain.” Jillian pointed to the empty chair in front of her. “Please, Hutch, I want to know what happened. Despite everything, you know that I still care about you. You’re my best friend, remember?” She tried to assure me, but I felt like such a failure.
“Madison told me she didn’t want to be married to me anymore because I was always so gloomy.” I hung my head in shame wondering if Jillian had heard the rumors flying around town. “She also didn’t want to be a mother or a wife, and didn’t want to live in Ocean View.”
“When?”
“A couple of weeks ago.”
Jillian stood up and rounded the desk so that she could wrap her arms around me where I stood, but didn’t say anything. I stiffened at first, but relaxed after a moment because it was what I wanted. For Jillian to touch me, hold me, and tell me she loved me. That she would make sure nothing bad would happen, and calm me down when I needed her to. She still smelled the same, felt the same, and I wanted to enjoy this moment, but I knew it was wrong to do so. When Jillian realized I wasn’t going to return her embrace, she stepped back to look up at me.
“Maybe now isn’t a good time to sign Hazel up for classes.” Her green eyes were full of concern. “Maybe you can come back in a couple of weeks. I can hold a spot for her,” she suggested.
I shook my head. “Hazel has been talking about this forever, Jills, and I want to give her whatever she wants. I’d give her the moon if she asked me,” I told her.
Jillian looked like she wanted to object, but instead handed me the paperwork, and I read it, signed it, and gave it back. “I can give you the money up front.” I yanked my wallet from my pocket.
“No.” Jillian held up a hand. “It’s my treat.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t need your damn charity,” I growled. “I can afford to pay for this.” I dropped my card on the desk.
“It’s not charity, Hutch, I want to give it as a gift. I love that little girl like she’s my own despite what a piece of shit her mother turned out to be.” Jillian practically threw my credit card back at me. “You can go now. Classes start next Monday at six o’clock.” She held out a piece of paper. “Here is a list of things Hazel will need. If you have any questions, you can stop by or text me anytime.”
I grabbed the paper from her. “Thanks,” I muttered, “for this, and for trying to comfort me before.”
Jillian looked up. “Despite everything, Hutch, I still care about you,” she said softly.
I didn’t say anything as I told Hazel it was time to leave. She said goodbye to Jillian, and then we went home where she cried when she realized that once again, Mommy wasn’t there to tuck her in or read her favorite bedtime story.
I clutched at the cell phone in my hand, wondering if it was too late to text Jillian. The one person I needed to comfort me. Would she ignore me after how I treated her earlier or would she respond? She told me that she still cared about me. Wasn’t that exactly what she meant?
