She started to chuckle, then winced, her hand closing on the sheet by her side.
IV cords connected to a needle that entered the top of her hand. All humor seeped away as the memory of the worry, the anguish of thinking she might die, came back to grip his chest.
He had to touch her, had to know she was really there, alive and well. He carefully reached for her fingers, scooping his hand under them. “I thought I was going to lose you.”
She tightened her fingers around his. “I know. I thought I might lose you, too.”
Did that mean she didn’t want to lose him? That she wanted him to stick around? His breathing shallowed. But he was getting ahead of himself. There was something else he had to say first. “Vicks, I have to apologize.”
She lifted her eyebrows, apparently too tired to cock one like she usually did. “If I recall correctly, you were apologizing the last time we spoke, out in the blizzard.”
He gave her a shaky smile. “I guess I have a lot to apologize for. But here’s one of the biggest ones.” He took in more air and met her gaze. “I’m sorry I convinced you to leave your mom and go out with me that night. It was wrong.”
She watched him, her expression not easy to read under her heavy lids that hid part of her eyes. “You saw I was hurting and tired. You wanted to help. I know that.”
“But I should’ve helped by sitting with you at your mom’s bedside. I should’ve taken a shift, watching her so you could get some rest. There were a lot of things I could’ve done to help instead of adding to your burdens in the worst way possible. Instead of only doing what I wanted.” He dropped his gaze to her fingers as he brushed his thumb across her knuckles. “And because of me, you’ve had to carry the burden of that night alone for sixteen years.”
“No. Not in the way you might think.” Her surprising response jerked his eyes to hers. “I rarely thought about that night until you came back.”
He winced. Another problem he’d caused her with his abrupt return.
“I repented for what I’d done, and I knew the Lord forgave me. I thought I’d left it behind. But when you returned, it all came back.”
“Vicks, I’m?—”
“No,” the skin bunched between her eyebrows, “you made me realize I hadn’t left it behind. I apparently had a harder time believing my mom could forgive me. I wanted to fix what I’d done by stepping into her shoes and carrying on her legacy.”
“She was a wonderful woman. She even liked me.” His remark earned a small smile. “Not a bad example to follow.”
“True. But she wasn’t perfect. I put her on a pedestal and followed everything she’d done. I emulated her example of what I thought was peacemaking instead of seeking God’s truth about peace. You helped me see that.”
“I did?”
“Yes. You helped me see how wrong my father was. That night when he said those awful things about you…” She turned her head an inch to look away. “I didn’t stop him. I didn’t confront him and tell him how wrong he was.” She slowly brought her tired gaze back to Cillian. “Like you would have done for me. Or for anyone who was being wronged.” She blinked, slowly.
For a moment, he wasn’t sure her eyes would open again.
Then they did and fastened on him. “I’m sorry, Cillian. Will you forgive me?”
He squeezed her fingers as he leaned toward her. “Of course. As long as you forgive me, too.”
Her lids drifted shut again.
“Victoria, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Her eyes stayed closed. Her breathing slowed, evening out like she had gone to sleep.
Pulling up a chair, he sat beside her bed and gently cradled her hand in his.
What he needed to say could wait. As long as he could stay with the love of his life, he would wait forever.
Epilogue
One month later.
“I thought you said Robert sent you in here to fetch my cheese tray, not eat it all.” Victoria sent Hank a teasing smile as another slice of cheddar disappeared into his mouth.
He finished chewing in record time and grinned at her over the generous island in Robert’s large kitchen. “You know, now that you’re a wealthy heiress, you could afford to bring two cheese trays.”
