Zach shook his head, groaning in frustration. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Well, you are a little on the skinny side,” Cael smirked. Zach glanced over and caught the teasing look in his eyes.
“Shut up,” Zach said, punching Cael in his bicep. He didn’t even flinch. He was like a fucking walking gym commercial.
Cael laughed. “Is that all you’ve got?”
“No,” Zach scoffed, though it probably was.
Compared to Cael’s muscled, six-foot frame, Zach was a weakling. He wasn’t a twig. He just ran a lot to compensate for his desk job and the fact that he loved to eat, so he was all lean muscle, but undefined at the same time. No chiseled pecs or six-pack abs for him.
Cael, however, was a gym rat and indoor rock climber, and had the perfectly sculpted body to prove it. Incredibly strong, yet he had the gentlest touch. Caring and sweet, too. Loved kids. Had a great job working at the VA hospital and volunteered his time to coach kids on weekends during the school year. He was the perfect, all-around good guy. Not Zach. Ignoring the fact that Cael was gay, he was the kind of guy the girls would want. Ideal husband material.
Not Zach.
“Seriously though,” Cael said, yanking Zach from his downward spiral. “You’ve got what pretty much every girl wants.”
“Pfft. Apparently not.”
“I’m serious, man. You’ve got a great job, make decent money, own your own house. You want to settle down and start a family. And, you’re cute. If I were a girl or if you were gay, I’d snatch you up in a heartbeat.”
“Yeah right. This coming from the guy who prefers one-night stands to a steady boyfriend.”
“Whatever, dude, I’d totally marry you.”
Zach turned his gaze out the window and stared at the snow-dusted mountain peaks in the distance.
Cael had said it so nonchalantly, but even so, Zach wanted to smile again. No clue as to why. Cael was his best friend, and he’d always had his back. Though Zach didn’t know why he’d want to marry him, or why anyone would want to, for that matter. Zach was the shy, programming nerd, always described as ‘sweet’ or ‘nice.’ Average looking and a little on the short side, his five-nine, soft and slim stature couldn’t compete with hot-as-hell, outgoing, six-foot-plus, muscled hunks like Cael. Especially when they had his heart of gold on top of all that.
Just thinking of Cael, in love with his perfect guy, married with kids of his own, made Zach’s heart hurt even more. He could see Cael now, cradling his newborn child, chasing a toddler around the house, teaching him or her how to throw their first football… giving his kids all the loving attention they deserved and still, always being there for his husband. Sneaking kisses from behind in the morning before the kids wake up, cherishing his man every moment… making love in the middle of the night.
The vivid picture planted itself firmly in Zach’s brain, sending warmth straight to his chest and heat straight to his groin. Okay, he hadn’t expected that, but it was everything Zach wanted, only with a woman. It’s everything he’d thought he was going to have with Megan, but when he stopped and tried to imagine all those things with her, he couldn’t. He just didn’t feel it. Maybe Megan was right. But why could he so clearly see all of it when he imagined Cael with his perfect man? And why did that thought hurt so much more than knowing Megan really wasn’t right for him?
“Hey. You okay?” Cael asked, breaking his internal reverie.
Zach glanced toward him. “Hmm? Oh, um, yeah. Just… thinking.”
“Yeah, I can tell. The smoke’s billowing.”
“Very funny,” Zach said, trying for sarcasm, but even he could hear how depressed he sounded. His mind went back to the question still resonating in his head and the other thing Cael had said.
“Would you really, though?” Zach asked, the words falling out before his brain could stop them.
“Really what?”
“Marry me?”
Cael looked at Zach and smirked. “Why? Thinking of switching teams?”
“No,” Zach snorted, rolling his eyes, hoping the sudden heat in his cheeks didn’t manifest itself into a noticeable blush, because really, why the fuck would he be blushing?
Still, he wanted to know. Or rather, he wanted to hear him say it again because the memory of what his words did to him the first time made him call into question something deeper. Something Zach had never thought to question before.
“Dude, don’t look so serious. But yeah. You’re the kind of guy I would want if I were looking for long term.”
The kind of guy. So not Zach specifically. Just someonelikehim. So even his best friend didn’t actually wanthim, and he’s into guys. Not that Zach could blame him when he knew he couldn’t ever want him back the same way.
Zach wasn’t gay, and he wasn’t bi. At least, he didn’t think he was. If he was, Zach would have thought he’d have figured it out by now. Sure, there had been other guys he looked at and thought of as good-looking, and there was that one time back in college he’d been coerced into playing some drinking game and ended up sucking off another guy and popping a fucking boner while doing it… but he hadn’t been attracted to any of them, had he?
