“I know I don’t say it enough, but thanks. I seriously don’t think I could have gotten through the last couple months without you.”
Cael gave him a half-smile. “No problem, Pook. What are best friends for anyway?” His searching gaze locked on Zach’s for a moment. “Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cael turned and walked away.
Zach stood frozen in place, left in a daze as he watched Cael leave.
Friends. Even if Zach decided he wanted more, that’s all they would ever be. Cael didn’t do relationships. He’d said it before. He didn’t want to be attached to anyone or tied down. That obviously included Zach, which was really fucking painful because he was quickly realizing he did want more from Cael, and knowing that it wasn’t even possible fucking hurt like hell.
Chapter 6
I’m a freakin’ idiot.
As Cael stepped into the warm spray of his shower, dropping his head and letting the water run all over him, he reminded himself repeatedly how stupid he’d been tonight.
Cael never should have let himself get caught up in that moment with Zach the way he did. He’d tried to pretend Zach was just another one-night stand while he jerked him off. It was obvious Zach had thought it was just him screwing around with him, and really, why would he have thought anything different?
Even if Zach was into guys, he needed strings, and Cael had made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want them, to the point where Zach would never see him as the guy who would give up any and everything if it meant being with him for the rest of their lives. That’s why Cael never should have taken the teasing to the level he had, but seeing Zach’s hard dick standing upright in his pants, he’d been unable to resist what might have been his only chance to ever touch him.
Cael had never felt so close to having the one person he’d always wanted. Their skin never even touched, but the fact that Zach had let him do it, had given control to him, and had let Cael watch him fall apart as he stroked him, had Cael almost asking afterward if he could kiss him, even knowing it would be pure torture to taste what he could never have.
Before he could, however, Zach reminded him that he didn’t see him the way Cael wanted him to. That’s when Cael had to leave. He’d reeled in his emotions as fast as he could and left before he ended up doing or saying something he would regret.
But God, everything about those few minutes on his couch was beautiful and almost perfect. The feel of Zach’s hard length in his hand. The soft moans that became whimpers of desire as he neared his peak. The uninhibited pleasure that overtook his gorgeous face as his orgasm rolled through him.
Absolutely beautiful.
And heartbreaking.
That moment was now the best and worst moment of Cael’s life, because now, it was not only a memory that he would treasure forever but also a reminder of how close he’d come to having what would never be.
***
“I fucking hate hospitals,” Zach griped through the phone.
“Sorry.” Cael scanned the breakroom vending machine for a somewhat healthy snack, but most had already been purchased, leaving primarily chips and candy. The Cheetos looked good, but Cael opted for the last blueberry almond Greek yogurt bar. He wasn’t crazy about almonds, but it would do in a pinch. “I take it you’re there now.”
“Yeah.” The exhaustion in Zach’s voice came through loud and clear.
“Pook, you’ve been going almost every day during lunch and again after work. Maybe you should give yourself a break. You’re wearing yourself out.”
“I can’t abandon her.”
“You wouldn’t be, but you can’t burn yourself out either. Taylor needs you, and Abbey’s not going anywhere without you knowing.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Seriously, Zach. No one is going to think less of you if you’re not by her side all the time. Heck, Abbey herself would be on your case. And it’s not like your mom and dad don’t visit as well. Chloe too.”
Cael heard Zach’s loud sigh through the phone. “I suppose you’re right.”
“‘Course I’m right, which is why we’re going out this evening.”
“Who’s we, and where are we going?” The tone of Zach’s voice shifted from reluctant to interrogative and maybe a bit anxious. Zach didn’t like going out much, but Cael knew he needed the break.
“Chloe invited us. You, Taylor, and me. Emma’s back in town for a MoMA exhibit and wanted to get together for dinner before she leaves town.”
“Oh.” Zach sounded relieved and pleasantly surprised, which made perfect sense.
Zach had always liked Chloe’s art history mentor and friend, Emma Garrett, and by liked, he meant as a friend. Emma was a couple years older than Zach, decidedly single, and dedicated to her career. Cael had asked Zach once if he was interested in her and his response had pretty much been an immediate scrunch of his lips and shake of his head. When Cael had asked him why, Zach had simply muttered, “She’s just not the one.”
